unforgettable memories

announced dead....

2008-12-09T11:53:00.002+08:00

Im going to close this blog le...
haha... due to some personal reason...
before tt... i wld lik to say something....

sorry to STZW... haha... tolerate my nonsense for so long liao... haha...
almost 1.5 yrs le... haha.... until he cant tolerate le ba... lol...
i noe i very nonsense.... always ask those QN tt u dun lik de.... lol...
gt a big scolding frm my mum becuz of tt.... :( :( :(

开心或悲伤？？？

2008-12-08T23:32:00.001+08:00

你再次的出现在我的面前（星期六）。。。而且你是我去那个地方是，第一个看到的人。。。说也奇怪，我走出地铁站时，我一抬头，所看到的人。。。我好开心。。。也好悲伤。。。开心是因为我又能再次的看见你。。。如果我没有去那个地方的话我就不会子看到你的吧。。。或者是说，看到你的机会是很低的。。。所以，我很矛盾，我不知道我还要去那里吗。。。我做不出决定。。。我怕我会后悔。。。

我悲伤是因为这让我想起了一前。。。我眼前的你好陌生啊。。。距离不到几步，但给我一种好害怕的感觉。。。害怕你看到我。。。害怕我回一直看着你。。。哈哈。。。这让我想起的一首歌。。。这首歌我听你唱了两次。。。但都不太成功。。。 “偷偷的看着你，偷偷的隐藏我自己。。。如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心，你会发现，你会讶异，你是我最压抑最深处的秘密。。。如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心，你会鼻酸，你会流泪，只要你能听到我看到我的全心全意。。。。”哈哈。。。

星期天，我以为你不会出现。。。因为你已做了一整天的工了。。。你果然没来。。。但是，但我正要忘记你时，大约九点多时，我抬头一看，我又看到了你。。。好惊讶啊。。。可是跟以前不同的是。。。这个人不是来等我下班的。。。哈哈。。。我没有去注意他，因为生怕被他发现。。。所以我拼命的折我的衣服。。。分上我的注意力。。。哈哈。。。

PS: 好想你。。。
Monday, December 08, 2008
1:12 AM

一封给你的信

2008-12-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

我们原本可以做对好朋友的，到底发生了什么事？？？

当时，两个人，几乎每天都互相联系，虽然每次出去都吵架回去，但起码回忆是好的。。。

两个人，在一起时，虽然不说话，但两人都不会尴尬。。。

好怀恋那段日子。。。可能对你来说是平常事，但我并不那么认为的。。。

两个人每天都为了一个人在吵，值得吗？？？

为什么我会每次都为了同样的问题跟你吵呢？？？

因为你每次给我的感觉就是如此。。。

你让我觉得你接近我的目的是为了接近她。。。为了了解她的近况。。。

我一再的被朋友取笑。。。说我很笨。。。很明显的你是为了她来接近我，为何我还那么的相信你呢？？？因为我真心要把你当我的好朋友。。。

你不会说什么话让我开心，那都没有关系。。。你可以用证明的。。。

可是，你让我看见的只是一再一再给我的谎言。。。

明明就是要问我有关她的事情，却一直拐弯抹角的。。。

我明白你的意思，但我假装不明白。。。就是要你从你嘴里说出你要问的问题。。。

我做错了事，你总是不说出我到底那里做错了。。。每次看到你那张脸你知道我有多么的害怕？？？我不知道我为何有这种感觉。。。

因为我知道你每次一旦生我的气，你会一整天不跟我说话。。。

你每次都不跟我说，我哪里会知道。。。

你说的对。。。我就是笨。。。

我问你，你也不会跟我说。。。问也白问。。。

我只能凭想象。。。当我想错时你又不说。。。我就一直错下去了。。。

不管别人说你有那么得不好。。。我都不听在耳里。。。

因为我相信你。。。

可是我得到的，只是你的不信任。。。每次以为我在你背后做了什么事。。。

我是在你的背后说了谎。。。因为我不想让任何人知道我们有联络。。。

不想有人能破坏我们的友谊。。。我想他们说了我有多恨你。。。多么的讨厌你。。。

我每次都惹你生气。。。因为我要你关心我。。。看着别人发来的简讯时，我都会傻笑着。。。

为了就是要看到你关心我的表情。。。

我做了那么多，因为我觉得你很不公平的对待我。。。

你真的有把我当朋友吗？？？你漠不关心。。。我心灰意冷。。。

你的偏心让我难过。。。

要到连朋友都没得做时，一切都会有答案了吗？？？

你说我妒嫉也好，什么也好。。。

我就是觉得不公平。。。我公平的对待。。。

把我变成了，像是失了魂，无理取闹的。。。

朋友为何做到这样？？？

只为了那件事，

值得吗？？？

Friday, December 05, 2008

11:08 PM

thanks so much...

2008-12-02T14:30:00.002+08:00

I like STZW.... Thx for ur advise... "不要想要跟他在一起”....

lol... either do i like him or not... its my choice.... dun nid u to use ur 6th sense... no matter isit juz ur kindness or warning.... thx so much for ur advise.... seriously, i dunno u much.... but i can say i dun lik u....

dun try to find words in my mouth.... either do i like him.... its my choice.... nth to do wit u.... haha...

Im Sorry...

2008-11-27T08:56:00.003+08:00

Im so sorry.... 我不是故意的。。。我不是那个意思的。。。你对我而言不是我说得那样。。。因为那是一时之气。。。你对我而言是。。。。。。。。。。对不起。。。不要生气了。。。原谅我吧~ :P

kuku J...

2008-11-25T11:15:00.002+08:00

Hate him more den before... SOB... dun ask mi why... maybe today is AI lesson... lol... c things tt im nt suppose to see... hear things im nt suppose to see...

aiya... COOL DOWN MAN...
ANGRY FOR WAT???
LOL...

let it go... let it be... haha

Bloody hell...

2008-11-25T11:02:00.002+08:00

my AI faci today is damn sux.... Bitch sia... reason being.... attending her lesson, u learn nth @ all... why did i say so leh... 1st few days of her lesson, she say: "IM HERE TO ASK U R QN, IM NT HERE TO TEACH U ALL... IF I TEACH U ALL, TT WILL NOT MATCH WITH E RP SYSTEM..."

omggg.... MF sia... wat a "GOOD" facilitator we have..... no1 will paying attention to her... haha... lucky gt 5 weeks le... haha...

understood....

2008-11-24T23:20:00.002+08:00

"NO ONE IS REAL...
TRUST NO ONE...
JUZ GIVE ABIT TRUST..."

tt is wat jun everytime tells mi... which i actually nv listen to heart... he once said "BE A STRONG GAL" cuz i cry often...

can i???
aft all... i still nv learn my lesson...
hiding under my blanket.... crying all e way...
if crying can solve everything... i wont be in tis state...

i dun lik ppl to ruin my happiness...
jealous???
if u tink e happiness is urs... fight it back frm mi...
but infront of mi... dun be a bastard...

hatred will be miserable...
i dun wan to be miserable...
i miserable... my frens will be miserable...

dun be a failure...
BE STRONG BE STRONG!!!
tts wat i tell myself...
i noe i day i will...

i will nt concern...
i will nt care...
to anyone... except for my family...

I WAN TO CHANGE...

U CAN HATE MI> U CAN DUN LIK MI...
I DUN CARE...
I WAN LIVE FOR MYSELF & NT OTHERS...

they in trouble u pity them...
u in trouble they mock @ u...
wat for be a gd ppl...

WAKE UP LA SANNN.... 你可怜别人，没有人会可怜你的。。。
活在这个世界，就要知道它的残忍。。。它的可怕。。。

我要坚强。。。要把脚步站稳。。。没有人可以推倒你。。。
迈向另一个巅峰。。。

DUN GIVE MI UR FREAKING FACE>>>

2008-11-24T00:07:00.002+08:00

OMGGGG.... wat a freaking face i gt frm u... u tot u wat... to mi u juz a clown... U NOE WAT DOES CLOWN DO??? let mi tell u ba... attract people's attention... shameless... when u r e one hu is in fault is e 1st place, either is intentionally or not... u hurt sumone... YET... u r pushing sumone's fault for taking away ur happiness... HELLO!!!! wat a clever fucking brain u haf... if u noe tis will happen... u wont be doing tt in e 1st place... if u DARE to do so... BEAR wit all e fucking consequences u deserved... OK>>>>

i tot....

2008-11-20T21:00:00.002+08:00

i tot we will be fine aft all have happened...
i tot i will forgive and forget...
i tot we can be fren again...
i tot i can dun tink of u...
i tot i can dun worry for u....
i tot i can dun miss u...
i tot i can dun like u...

this are things that i tot...
BUT...
i failed to do so...

i pretend i nv hear...
i pretend i nv see...

nv hear u talking sum1 abt her...
nv see u smiling away to ur screen when msning her...

in my heart, i started to hate u...
i dunno y... i juz wan to hate u...
hate u for not be there when i sick...
everything tt u do make mi feel hate...
really really hate...

i started no to smile @ u....
i started to call u funny names....
i started to make u hate mi...

in e end... im e one who suffered...
in e past... nt my fault...
BUT i also have to take up all e blames....

我只想把你忘记。。。。

i miss kuku...

2008-11-10T14:41:00.002+08:00

我好想他。。。我们是那么的近，但是感觉好远。。。我们的距离是那么的远。。。我们活在两个世界。。。永远都不会有瓜葛。。。

从那次的纠纷，我跟自己说，我不能再喜欢上这个人了。。。我不能在想他。。。我没有资格，没有权利。。。只能远远的看着。。。看着他和他所喜欢的人有说有笑。。。我的脸上依然是挂着笑容。。。但心理正在默默的流着泪。。。我的眼泪是酸是苦，我一分不清。。。有酸也有苦吧。。。

跟他一起玩的每一天，我好高兴。。。那时我所渴望的事啊。。。因为我们的距离可以拉近一点。。。虽然只有那么的一点，但我已满足了。。。那双我好想看着的眼睛、拿上我想拉的手、那张我所渴望的笑容。。。都在这几天内看到了。。。但是，我一天一天的觉得我好辛苦。。。不管怎样，我想再要跟他有任何的纠纷了。。。像现在这样，一直下去不是好吗？？？

我不可望再有一想不到的事情发生。。。我只渴望他能好好的照顾他的身体。。。不要太操劳。。。我渴望他能成功的搞定他喜欢的人。。。辛辛福福的，那就满足了。。。

我把我的爱藏在心里。。。不可能再跟你说了。。。我已说过了，我的回答都会是，我不会想你，不会担心你，也不会在喜欢你了。。。

KUKU....

2008-11-07T14:00:00.002+08:00

STZW...... NANA... KUKU... I WONT ASK U GO OUT LIAO... STUPID KUKU BIRD... EVERYTIME LIK TT.... GRRRR.... KUKU... KUKU... KUKU.... BIRD~~~

ALTHO IS EXPECTED.... BUT U KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU LA.... KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU KUKU.....

NEXT WEEK U GO WIT UR MOTHER LA... KNS... KUKU BIRD....

画上了句点。。。

2008-11-06T21:22:00.003+08:00

看吧。。。我的手都红了：（都是他的错。。。哈哈。。。post 上来是为了让他觉得内疚。。。哈哈。。。没有啦。。。应为我说要 post 上去嘛。。。哈哈。。。我觉得我的手好白啊。。。而且也算长的。。。哈哈。。。

PS: 我不再喜欢你了。。。喜欢不一定要得到。。。我选择把它放在心里。。。藏在心里。。。只要我自己心里知道，我的心里有个地方，有个你，就已经满足了。。。那证明了你成经在我的生命力出现过。。。我希望我们能像现在一样，两个人开开心心的不是好吗？？？你能当我一辈子的朋友吗？？？

so tired~

2008-11-02T03:27:00.004+08:00

juz came back frm chalet... so tired sia... go there straight aft work... now still haven bath yet... cuz i bring my lappy there & on my way back, i remb i forget to shut down... lol... tts y im online now... wootx... blog again next time... haha... too tired le... wanna go bath & slp le... eventho i cant slp... but bo bian... my mum ask mi slp... if nt i will get it frm her... diao... ok den... bye~~~~

GRRR...

2008-10-31T23:25:00.002+08:00

i wake up early in e morning receive ur msg... ask mi dun nid acc u le... WTH... i prepared liao le... nvm... forget it.... since u say u tired aft tt wan go home slp... but u really tired??? really went home slp??? MF LIAR... wat i saw in blog is u go out wit fren to celebrate...

fan zheng its nt e 1st time... everytime last mins tell mi e things de... I also give u e last min things... now u noe how i feel???

ur damn CB attitude... i dun wan say is juz becuz i treat u as my fren... ur attitude is really from good to worst... nvm... if tt is wat u wan... den let u be... from e time u change onwards i cant be bothered abt u le...

原谅我

2008-10-24T13:40:00.001+08:00

请不要分了以後　还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久　已不属於我
默默低头　那时我很多　话哽在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐　或许我爱太多想太多
我能感受　他比我适合
爱放了手　我伪装冷漠　比你先说分手
请原谅我　原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口　好让你离开我
请原谅我　好想自私将你占有
你的寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活
请不要分了以後　还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久　已不属於我
默默低头　那时我很多　话哽在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐　或许我爱太多想太多
我能感受　他比我适合
爱放了手　我伪装冷漠　比你先说分手
请原谅我　原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口　好让你离开我
请原谅我　好想自私将你占有
你的寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活
爱过恨过哭过也笑过
亲吻过你的脆弱
其实我比谁都要懦弱
原谅我　必须假装爱错
别让时间逗留　我怕说不出口
原谅我　没有解释太多　心痛
别无所求　彻底忘了我
爱原来有舍得
我爱过　我才懂

PS: 52766 4 63837 734738 568464 968... haha... tt is e things i want to say... see if u r smart enough :D

请原谅我

2008-10-16T22:38:00.001+08:00

我不该再为难你
再多的泪水吞下去
你已离去该祝福你
再多的爱都该藏心底
我知道你想飞得更高
高到我看不到
就算明明知道不好
还是要从天堂往下跳
学火鸟在燃烧　忘了没有落脚
救不了我只好陪你跳
请原谅我想要忘掉却忘不了
请原谅我好和坏都不该打扰
请原谅我就连恨你都办不到
请原谅我死都要知道
你到底爱我有多少

我不该再为难你
再多的泪水吞下去
你已离去该祝福你
再多的爱都该藏心底
我知道你想飞得更高
高到我看不到
就算明明知道不好
还是要从天堂往下跳
学火鸟在燃烧　忘了没有落脚
救不了我只好陪你跳
请原谅我想要忘掉却忘不了
请原谅我好和坏都不该打扰
请原谅我就连恨你都办不到
请原谅我死都要知道
你到底爱我有多少
假如真的过的不好
别怕被嘲笑而逃
只要让我知道这样就好
请原谅我想要忘掉却忘不了
请原谅我好和坏都不该打扰
请原谅我就连恨你都办不到
请原谅我死都要知道
离开我你真的会更好

jia you wor...

2008-10-16T22:10:00.002+08:00

by right i should feel happy for you... but i cant bring myself to be happy... i juz cant stand e way u treat other gal now... lik wat 1 of my fren said, im angry nt becuz im jealous... im angry cuz y in the past, when i love you with all ur heart, i didnt get this type of 'attention' form you...

tts is y when u say bye i dun even wan ans back... i noe u say it twice... i juz dun feel lik answering back... u might tink my attitude sux again... suan le... let u tink ba... i juz nt in e mood... juz becuz i saw tis sentence " i now 6th P alr.." i onli saw tis sentence... i den sian diao... alr nt in gd mood liao... make mi more moodless... i dun even dare to face tt direction... cuz i den dun wan c ur msn window... which i cant even look @ e 6th P too...

suan le... u jiayou ba... :)
lik wat i say to u tt time... :)

faster end tis sem la....

2008-10-16T12:36:00.002+08:00

haiz... dun wan be in e same team also bobian... wan forget tis person also cant... cuz i will see him everyday... SOBS... i close one eye juz dun wan c wat happen... but e suay mi... everytime c wat i dun wan c... WTF la... nvm... REN REN REN... fanzheng i alr REN him for 3 months 15 days... haha.... starting from 1 JULY... lol...

I DUN WAN TO SEE THOSE THINGS THAT HAPPENED ARD>>>
I DUN WAN TO C HIM>>>
I DUN WAN TO C HER>>>
CUZ I STARTED TO NOW WAT E HELL HAPPENED LAST TIME>>>
FORGIVEN BUT CANT FORGET>>>
I WONT FORGET>>>
ESPECIALLY E THINGS U SAY BEHIND>>>

Last time~

2008-10-14T21:34:00.001+08:00

I like you, the past you… I miss you, the past you… I miss the hug that u used to hug me…. I miss the time we every time stick together… the time we o sing… the time we go eat… the time we go shopping… A past is a past… I will never go back to the past again… I just keep it in my memory… Deep in my heart… There is a secret place, for a secret person, whom I cannot say… It will be there forever… So that I would not forget that you once enter my heart without my notice and hurt my lots when you leave… Good memory will always left with me… No matter what others said… I choose to like the one I like… I like you means I like you… no one will change my mind… unless is you…

No matter what… The one I missed is e OLD you… Now… Regretly… knowing what you want… I want to let go le… The more I do not let go faster… The more miserable I am… So… Do you want to see the happy me or a emo me???

PS: I hope I can do the last thing to you the last time... Dont worry about me… I will be fine… I wont go kill myself de please… I wont die so fast… lol… E weaker I feel… E stronger I want to be… And killing yourself is a very stupid things… haha…

a short story...

2008-10-13T14:32:00.000+08:00

有个男孩，他来自有钱的家庭。但他开心，因为他的父母都在做工，他跟哥哥、姐姐的感情很好。尤其是姐姐，因为姐姐时就疼他的。他很怕孤独，每次都要有朋友在身边陪他。睡觉起来时，他好像看到他的朋友在他的身边的感觉。因为那时候他不再孤独，那也是他喜欢抱着人睡觉的原因。可能拿可以给他安全感吧。每次都他早上去学时，他的父母在睡觉。做工回来时，他的父母也在睡觉。他很坚强，不靠家人，自己出来打工赚钱，每天工作，是因为有朋友和他玩和他说话。他怕寂寞，每次看到他的时候都是笑嘻嘻的。可是他是真的在笑吗？？？打从心理的笑吗？？？

in dilemma....

2008-10-10T08:35:00.002+08:00

mum said: "san, pls quit ur job & concentrate on ur studies... even if u wan to work, u shouldnt have work so much... as if we cant afford to feed u... now, u affect ur setudies liao... as wat u say, all ur ut1 gone case alr... u onli have 1 choice... if u wan to study, u dun work/ dun work so much..."

lol... as if can feed mi... from e moment i step into the working society, i nv get my income from dem... haha... so... haha

2008-10-08T15:14:00.004+08:00

我想他吗？？？我那么认为，但有人跟我说，你可能不想他，可是你的心是在想他的。。。 haha... 我承认为想他。。。我喜欢她。。。那又如何？？？事情过了，我后悔，可是没有办法了。。。有人问我为什么会喜欢他，我也说不上来。。。可能是一见钟情或日久深情吧。。。一见钟情是因为但我看到这个人的时候，我好羡慕他的一项专长。。。日久深情是因为有一段时期我们一直来往。。。只从我认识另一个人了以后，我就变了。。。但也后悔了。。。因为我做错了选择，到了最后，我才发现我做错了。。。我的好朋友，一个每天如果有空的人，都回来找我的人，现在变成了陌生人。。。我很不习惯。。。但我要是着去习惯。。。哈哈。。。不管以后会怎么样。。。我都无话可说了。。。

这首歌是我所要说的：

一半
<蓝球火片尾曲>
演唱：言承旭

一直等一个人等了好久
这一场独角戏是很寂寞
春夏秋冬我的窗口只有风景懂
爱的深有多深我也不懂
你走后我的心变的脆弱
听一首也觉得痛但我谁也没有说
右边的座位右边的枕头
都已经空了那么久
没你守侯那是因为我已经看透
没有你的爱
这个我只是一半
不哭了不笑了
为谁留泪我也不明白
没有人能取代
一个圆的另一半
我固执的等待
等风再把你带回来

why i become lik tt???

2008-10-06T22:57:00.002+08:00

haiz... dun have motivation in study le... cuz i find it bored le... tml having AI ut... until prob 4 sia... sian... prob 1&2 still understandble... e rest... lol... can i dun study le ma??? my espectation for study is high... but e higher i aim, e harder i fall... lol... sounds wrong... HEHE... nvm la... understable can le... haha...

once sky asked me: "im very tired le... can i dun study le ma??? if i dun study, i wasted my 1 yr de school fees... if i study, i will waste another 2 yrs... work still gt $$$ to earn... .... ..." NOW, i understand why he felt tt way... haha... its a very tired thing to study and meanwhile working... he still ok la... live nearby his workplace... mi le... lol... haiz... i will consider abt it... haha... study & no study make no diff to mi... its juz a diploma... haha... seriously la... my course rite... wat job can i gt even if i gt tt diploma??? lol... cant get anything ba... unless u go further studies... lol... i den dun wan... haha...

haiz... i started to miss white sands fair le... cuz of some reason... haha... haiz... I WAN GO FAIR~ lol... can i??? i miss~~~ i miss~~~ i miss~~~ haha... hehe... of cuz nt from my fair de la... cuz my fair de promoter... lol... 2 gals is my kor de fren... e other is a small gal... den ah boy nia... lol... i work until siao le sia... everyday think of working... haha... no leh... i onli lik white sands fair... lol... HEHE...

End of White Sands Fair...

2008-10-06T00:21:00.002+08:00

wahaha... white sands fair finally over le... haha... i shld be happy but i feel extremely sad... cuz of some reason which i cant say la... haha... im nt concentrating fully on my work today... cuz i know after today things will be diff... i know i will feel sad... but... bobian... there will be next fair again... haha... few months later ba... lol... i wasnt looking at my clothes while folding... my eyes is looking ard... lol... in my heart, i seems to be searching for something... searching for e shadow that i wan to see... when i found that shadow, i was happy, but i dun give any expression... haiz... i hope e next fair will come faster... lol...

PS: 我站在那里，不想移动，就为了在看一眼，哪怕只是那么一眼，就已经满足了。。。当我看不到时，我就是处寻找，就是为了多看一眼。。。当我看到时，就会埋头苦干，假装没看见。。。好想说些东西，但是开不了口，因为一切对我已经太陌生了。。。我好想回到从前，因为我后悔每次都会吵架，都是因为我弄人家生气。。。一切都已经太迟了。。。那已经是个过去事，我要面对现在。。。我不管被人说的一切，我都不想去相信。。。因为我相信我看到的一切。。。我知道是没有结果，哪怕只有一丝的希望，都不会放弃。。。因为那是值得的。。。我不管被人是不是那么认为，我只相信我自己。。。我放弃过了一起，现在，我不放弃，也不要求，不要有结果，只要默默的，我就满足了。。。

happening day...

2008-10-05T00:31:00.002+08:00

2day go ard ti change for 10cents coins wit my promoter fren... lol... when to someone shop... i ask her go change... cuz i dun wan go inside... i dunno why leh... i juz tink tt if i go change myself, he might nt change mi la... if i ask tt gal go change, e possibility is higher... haha... cuz tt time i ask before ma... nvm... at least he change to her... during lunch break, i ate inside my shop tgt wit "Ah boy", 2 of my full time aunties & one of e promoter from my next door... haha... we have lots of fun inside the shop... lol... we play and laugh like no1 business... haha... i saw sumting halfway thu but i dun wish to say... it make mi feel moody out of a sudden... therefore, i pretend i nv saw... lol... continue my laughter...

but randall know why... haha... he's my buddy ma... HOR??? haha... everytime will wait for me to go home tgt de... hehe... when im late, he wont angry... haha...

i was late for class ytd... lol... my 1st time being marked late... lol... nvm la... its a 1st time ma... so tt means... still gt 2nd times & 3rd times... etc... haha... hope not... if nt mama wil kill mi... cuz she noe im late as i left my house very late... haha... nvm... nxt time left house early but walk slowly... lol...

tml will be e last day of e white sands fair... haha... yeah... but... but... i nid reach there by 9am sia... so early... sian... those stupid workers... repair wat light bulb la... cannt tml den repair meh... still nid push our wagons away... den i haf to go early to push back la... Sian... gg eat le... den wil go slp... lol...

blogged again,..

2008-10-02T00:53:00.002+08:00

haha... 1 hr nid to blog how many times sia... haha... bobian... nth do... suddenly very happy... lol... dunno y... haha... tml ut... nv study sia... HEHE... nvm la... pass can le.. lol... dun give a damn on it... HEE... tml dun nid work... i can play le... YEAH... but 1 thing very sad abt nv go work... haha... cant say out... HEE... nth impt... i wan slp.... lol... but cant slp... i very hungry... nth to eat leh... if i eat... sum1 will say... "chi chi chi... fei si ni ar..." SOB... say mi... lol... next time say mi again i slap u ar... HEHE... JKJK... later i kenna scold and beat by him... SOBS... y i gt tis type of fren de... haha... nvm... nt very close... wont c everyday... lol... HEHE... dun beat mi if u read tis hor... later no gal lik u dun blame mi... blame urself... HEE... hu ask u so diao... lol...

hu will believe u????

2008-10-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

haiz... no comments to wat MR said... haha... none of my business... haha... i believe also make no diff... this person tell mi this... tt person tell mi tt... yy also tell mi... so hu e hell im gg believe... haha... our Dear MR explain to me so many times... haha... tell mi also no use... HEHE...

haha... anyway... all is over... i dun care hu he like... i dun care hu she like... haha... whether they tgt or nt... e most happier is mi... cuz... i dun have to be middleman le... haha...

i noe yy had make her decision on "sumting" le... haha... gd ba... cuz i dun like tt bastard... eventho is none of my business... maybe is influence by wat yy said to mi abt tt bastard... HEHE... diao kia... i owe u $$$ isit... haha...

aiya... everything my fault... haha... easy to settle... i dun mind to be e evil one... cuz im alr is ar... AM I RIGHT MOMOREN??? :P i evil ma... i hurt u ma... i change u ma... i suan u ma... RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT??? u dun nid say... & i noe u dun say... cuz u say even u explain i also wont listen rite... cuz u nv even explain at all... i bear grudges??? i arrr??? R U SURE??? HU E HELL FORCE MI SAY DE... becuz of u... i lost my smile... i lost my fren... suan le... its over... FORGIVE BUT CANT FORGET... HEHE...

my life is full of regretting...

2008-09-30T13:49:00.005+08:00

AND hor... MR... i nv tell yy anything hor... dun ever think tt is i say de hor... is sum1 u nv expect... unfortunately faith let sum1 to meet yy... & is ur reaction towards her when u meet her mum make ur impression very bad hor... i dun have so much influence to her too... so.......

PS: {偷偷的看著你, 偷偷的隐藏著自己} { 你是我最压抑最深处的秘密}

see no evil....

2008-09-29T14:56:00.002+08:00

see no evil.... haha... frm e time i step into e class... i cant c anything.... hu is smiling at mi frm far... hu is chatting... i cant c anything... i give no expression... as i had said... i very tired le... i juz wan peace... i dunno wat wil happen next if i react the way im suppose to react naturally.... consciously, i hide those reaction.... i should smile back but i didnt... im juz afraid something will happen again... no matter wat i do, everything seems wrong to u... so i should SEE NO EVIL>>> DO NO EVIL>>> HEAR NO EVIL>>>

in courtesy, HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TO JASON... AND HAPPY ADVANCE 19th BIRTHDAY TO KIAN FEI....

i wan to be happy... i dun wan to drop tears... i dun wan to be sad le... i dunno wat to do le... & i too tired to do anything le... i dun wan anyone to change my life... i wan e previous mi... where had it goes??? haha... inside the world of LALA land... haha...

2008-09-26T12:52:00.002+08:00

my fault again la... wat e hell i did again... KNS... she ask mi kip her files... so she get his harddisk frm him to transfer the files over.... i took it... when i plug inside, it need to take times for it to run... i look at how long its take for it to run... den i saw prob 1... etc.... is hers de la... i nv even go open others file la... dun nid to give mi tt type of face... i dun wan to see.... i dun deserve tt face... pls lor...

i alr very tired le... can stop everything le ma.... pls la... im in hell everyday... once i step out of the sch... den i can become myself... work alr give mi lots of stress... everyday call mi... ask mi find promotor.... do this do tt.... everyday face those customers... dunw an smile also cannot... muz give tt fucking fake smile on the face... some is rude untill... GRRR... but still nid smile... smile wat smile la...

HATE HATE HATE

2008-09-26T10:42:00.002+08:00

omg.... i hate gg sch... i hate sch... i hate hate hate... i hate to see... i hate to hear... i hate to talk... hate hate hate... can i hate???

i cant ba... i really cant... how am i ren xing to hate sum1 leh... huh huh huh.... dun wan also cannot... PI la... so useless i am.... KNS.... pls pls pls... come slap mi... wake mi up sia... i dun wan to be in my LALA land... in e world that only have me... lik an barbie there... GRRR.... wake up pls... WAKE WAKE UP....

sch is bored~

2008-09-23T23:17:00.002+08:00

mon e sch is fun... i dunno y leh... eventho e faci is grrrr... no comments... onli can say we suay lor... dunno will gt how many Cs frm her lor... sux la... HEE... :P
have lots of fun in class... lol... tgt wit my teammates... haha... play Eugene psp... haha... den i was like very mountain snake la... can pass e limits that the game set... lol... den play wit his phone... haha... one e other 1 dunno call wat de thingy... haha... i very mountain snake hor... everything dunno...

tue, which is today... morning ard 8+ still ok... den aft tt grrr... no comments... haiz... no fun in class... so bored lor... i kip chatting online... den faci kip call my name... sian le la... dun nie gt gd grade le... lol...

叶子在窗外轻轻摇动
人行道没有行人走过
镜子里的我很不像我
自从你离开了我变得很软弱
你的影子在每一个角落
好像是在提醒着我
少了你的陪伴我现在有多寂寞

我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过
冰凉的夜里让眼泪温热我
感觉如果要走谁能说 no
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
在记忆里面擦去你的承诺
爱情怎么会是这个结果
爱情是个梦而我睡过头

haha... random... lol... ok den... stop here... nite...

U SUX!!!!

2008-09-22T09:38:00.002+08:00

u r selfish...
u become bad to worst...
u show sux attention...
u become more irritating...
u tot had no link...
u become more fake...
u attract ppl attention...

i totally had no mood when looking at u...
u smile but ur smile is fake...
u joke but ur joke is lame...
u hurt ppl without u notice...(really u nv notice ma??? or juz fake???)
u hide a dagger in a smile...
u pretend pretend & pretend...
u act act & act...

haha... c le also sian...
wat is changing to a better???
y u declining???
without ur notice???
or tt is e real u???

I HATE YOU...

2008-09-20T01:09:00.002+08:00

WHY SHOULD I CARE ABT U???
WHY SHOULD I AFTER WHAT U SAY???

I DON’T WANT IT…
THE FEELING,
THE CARE FOR U…

I HATE U!!!
I WANT YOU TO BE HURT…(How can I do it???)
JUST AS HURT AS U’VE HURT ME…

CAN U SHUT UP FOR A MIN,
AND THINK ABOUT IT…

WHAT U’VE DONE,
HOW U HURT MI,
WHY IT HURT SO BAD???

TO ME,
U DESERVE EVERY BITTER WORDS
THAT COMES FROM MY MOUTH
EVERY CYNICAL COMMENT
THAT SPRINGS UP IN MY HEAD…

I HATE YOU…
BEYONG THE STRAS,
THE WORLD,
THE HEAVENS ABOVE….
I HATE YOU FOR WHAT U’VE DONE…

AND YET,
IM SURE U HATE MI JUST AS MUCH…
BECUZ I WISH UR PAIN,
UR WINGS WOULD BE PLUCKED
AND UR BODY ROASTED….

IN E END,
WE BOTH DESERVE IT…
ITS OUR FAULTS,
OUR MISJUDGEMENTS,
OUR OWN DECIET
AND MISTRUST…

PS: random post... haha... 1.09am le... gg slp le... so tired... =.=
tml still have to work... sun too... haiz... bobian... if nt hu wan feed mi???
anyone wan feed mi ar??? i very easy to feed de... give mi 3-4 meals a day can le... lol... hehe...

CAN I????

2008-09-16T19:45:00.000+08:00

When two people had nth to communicate, they will tend to find something unnecessary to talk abt… tts very boliao ba… but its e only way they can communicate with each other… maybe its better to talk nonsense den nv talk to each other… @ least its better den nv communicate @ all ba…

ACTING INFRONT OF OUTSIDER??? Maybe ba… my mind is being changed in tis 2 weeks time… haha… CONFUSED MINDSET… HU CAN HELP MI??? dun be stupid la… if u dun understand urself, u expect ppl to understand u??? FUNNY sia..

BUT>>>> CAN I???? CAN I????

NEW SEM NEW START???

2008-09-12T20:02:00.002+08:00

hmm, been in e new class for abt 1 week plus le... tis class leh... NO COMMENTS... haha... i prefer my last sem class... nt i dun lik tis class... but... dunno how to say... maybe my class everyday got alot of ppl coming in & out... every module have so many new faces... i cant remb de sia... lol... so wat i can so is juz to kip quiet, sitting at a corner, listening to my music, watching my show, playing my game.... haha... childish ba... lol... bo bian... no1 entertain mi... i entertain myself... very pathetic lor... can u imagine u gt into a class, with all new faces, both ur classmates know each other... u leh... dunno anyone... even u noe anyone... u cant kip pestering them... lol... i gt no comments sia... no1 acc mi... no1 entertain mi... no1 talk to mi... no1 play with mi... :'( haiz... nvm... still gt 58 days only... jiayou ba...

env sci gt field trip next lesson... haha... will it be interesting??? i dunno leh... haha... i only noe... no1 acc mi de... haiz... so i wander shld i go sch ma... can u imagine... no1 sit wit u on bus... no1 talk to u on ur way there... no1 play wit u... & ur teammates all yr3 de... dun even bother abt u la... sian... haiz...

hmm, everyone only c e surface thingy... only i noe wat happen... cause it happen on me ma... maybe acting is e best solution... haiz... i noe wat is my feeling... i wont show it out... haha... cuz nth to show de... all empty... lol... im thinking y i become so coldblooded... y i dun haf any feeling??? wat im i thinking... lol... nvm la... nt impt... dun think is better... haha...

so so so.... u all think tis sem is a gd sem for mi??? haiz...

擦肩而过

2008-08-29T10:29:00.003+08:00

我爱着谁
爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对

你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安危付出一切

站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人

你对我说
我们只是擦肩而过

好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过

你听我说
要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多
少错至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

你听我说
你不要这么做
你不要看着我
说你已经知道怎么做

你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走

站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人

你对我说
我们只是擦肩而过

好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过

你听我说
要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人

你对我说
我们只是擦肩而过

好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过

你听我说
要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

sum1 says tis song is wat he wan to tell mi.... lol... hmmm.... wat does it mean???? dunno.... but i onli noe, e red and dark green colours de is not for mi... haha... e rest... haiz... he onli say nia... nv kip his promise... he still abandon mi... lol... diao... tts y i say... i dun understand him... i dun understand wat he trying to say everytime... wat thing he actually wan to say... his eng so chim... as if i understand... i onli will misunderstand wat he trying to say... cuz him to kenna scolded by mi... lol... cant blame mi hor... juz get straight to e point... dun turn rd & rd... i dun understand de...

cum... wat will hurt mi??? his sentence will onli make ppl misunderstand ba le... lol... aiya... once again... i nv treat anyone gd de... i treat everyone e same... im fair to everyone... so... :P no comments le... lol...

2008-08-27T10:09:00.002+08:00

hmm... my gpa is out... wootx... no much changes... lol... actually, i didnt put in much effort tis yr... so i dun expect too much... haha... gpa didnt drop can liao... haha...

hmm... my new sem class is out... im sad... so depress... same class with jason & pearly if i nt wrong... dunno la... nv check... sum1 tell mi de la... w54q ba... if nt wrong... lol...

hmm... all tis holiday, i was hoping, praying hard tt i wont be in e same class wit jason... nt tt i hate him or dun lik him or wat... is lik there is many misunderstanding between us... he refuse to listen to mi... wat i noe is tt he does nt trust mi le... so for mi, wat for i treat tis person as my fren if he no longer trust mi... if he really my fen, he wont do so many things behind tt some of my classmate is telling mi...

i kip telling myself, if i nv hear it personally, i can confirm tt he said so... i dun had to listen to my classmate... but... tts nt wat i tink in my heart... i gt eyes to see... gt brain to tink... but e outcome always disappoint mi... cuz, wat i tink, is wat i saw and wat my classmate say...

nvm ar... i nt gg to do anything to tis person.... since e moment i choose to forget tis person, i dun care of tis person le... i onli noe, e more i say to him, e more hurt i get in return... so wat for... he always say dun bear grudge of tt quarrel.... haha... to mi, i dunno which quarrel he means...

with regard to nic de ma??? haha.... i nid apologise to nic la... cuz i misunderstand him.... SORRY SORRY... hmm, i & nic ma... get quite close during certain time aft tt quarrel... but now... haha... dunno wat happen... i gonna crazy... watever reasons he give... even how hard it is for mi to accept... suan le... tts wat i can do... wootx... i onli noe, tis person is juz 擦肩而过... haha... listen to tis song sing, dun tell mi some parts of tis song is meant for mi de... cuz i dunno which part isit... but its no longer important now... it juz give mi a sudden feeling tt, i dun wan c tis person le... is it wat i tink in my heart????? of cuz nt... cuz all r fren ma.... y i do tt... but every msg he sent is juz hurting ppl... so wat for....

he same class wit py... hmm... really hope tt they can be fren again lik last time... jiayou ba... wat i can do i do liao... haha... choice is on their hands le...

hmm... getting back to jason ba... its somehow my fault tt he change into such a diff person as comapre to e past... SORRY SORRY... when i noe tt im in e same class wit him... my tears start to roll down... nt tt im happy... is lik wat is my life gg to be lik again... when im typing all tis.... i cant stand but to cry again... wootx... wat im i to do now??? 16 more weeks... to mi is lik 16 yrs... wat can i do so all dun be so gan ka...

tts e moment sansan loss her pride le ba... she actually msg him, apologise to him, ask him to forget e past... etc... but all e reply she get is hurtful... every words is lik horns... stab hard into my heart... its bleeding nonstop now... even include e pain tt nic give... im nt pusing fault to dem... is i find trouble for myself la... so i can onli push everything to myself...

im always believe im a strong person... no matter wat, i also muz take it... dun let others see my feeling... & they r no longer to see my smile le... i cant even find my smile back... its no longer with mi le... it has follow e wind, fly to somewhere in tis world... wootx... WTH im i gg to get it back????

i can onli be myself when im wit yong2, randall, mich, jerina, zaiyong, mackino, windy.... cuz they r onli e one hu can make mi smile...

no matter wat... i cant collapse now... i cant fall again... i dun wan dem to worry for mi... e 16 weeks will be a hard journey for mi... wat i can do is juz... REN REN REN... PRETEND PRETEND PRETEND.... pretend i dunno tis him... to let myself to know e brand new him... force myself to accept e situation...

no matter how hard it is for e coming 16 weeks... bless mi ba... hope i can get alive... lol... jk la... i noe i can make it de... e most i becoming more heartless... more coldblooded... & u all wont c e talkative mi again... haha...

ciaoZ...

2008-08-25T11:32:00.004+08:00

世界上有两件事是永远也勉强不了的，小时候是学习的兴趣，长大了，是爱情。
　　
这，是一面镜子，勇敢放弃，勇敢面对，勇敢重新开始。当他不爱你的时候，无论过去他是否爱过后来却忘了，又或者从未爱过，总之，当你无法成为他心里的那个人的时候，他的心便不会记得你，更不会在乎你。就算他知道你深爱他，偶尔也能感觉得到你的关心，但他宁可装作是不知道。不爱了的那个人永远是先放得开的，所以，请你也不要折磨自己，痛苦太长时间。要学会自然，如果你选择坚强接受，你们的结束会被认为是没有缘分，也许在他的心里，还会留下些许的遗憾；可是如果你不够理智，总是想做一些事情挽回这段已经不可能存在的爱情，那么你们的结束只能被他看成是性格不合。　　

当他不爱你的时候，请不要在你不开心，或者是遇到麻烦而彷徨的时候去打搅他。他那儿绝对不是你此刻应该的去处。也许他会在接到你的电话的时候，淡淡地安慰你几句，并且说衷心祝福你快乐，却也仅此而已。当他不爱你的时候，你的爱，你的人，就会显得廉价许多。你占了下风，这是人的本性。也许你会再想要一点什么，于是说：“我们见一面吧，我们可以一起吃顿饭吗？”如果你以为吃顿饭，见一面就能挽回你失去的爱情，那么你就太错了，太傻了。而他心里也肯定很烦躁了。他会说：“我现在有点事情，等有机会吧。晚点的时候你再给我电话吧，或者我给你电话也可以。”而你这时千万不要当真，他只是找了个不是很高明的理由来搪塞你。请，不要真的去等，不要骗自己，更没有必要伤心。他的忙碌不会因为你的等待而终止。生活中很多事情对于他来说都是很重要的，而对于他来说最无所谓的就是逝去的爱情了。　　

当他不爱你的时候，请不要与他讲你的琐事，也不要没话找话说，这些是最愚蠢的，也是最无谓的。也许此刻，善良的你痴情的你不过是希望让彼此更熟悉一些，不要一下子感觉太生疏。其实你只是暂时过不了自己这一关，他却无暇更是没有兴趣去了解你，你的生活，你的过去，你的长处短处与他又何干？即使讲了，他也很快会忘记的，就如他忘记曾经对你说过的话一样。没有爱，注定你挤不进他的生命。即使，你要的哪怕只是一个很小的角落。在他眼里，你曾经有过的优点全部都成为一种负累，不会再成为吸引他的理由。　　

当他不再爱你的时候，不要老给他发短信，问他“好不好 ”，他如果学习压力大，你的短信只会给他带来烦躁，并不能使他摆脱压力，而他如果真的很好，那么你心里知道就好，学会默默关心并且祝福他吧！当他不爱你的时候，偶尔你的梦里也许还会出现他的身影，千万不要给他电话或是E-mail告诉他，你会被认为太不成熟。即使梦里真的出现了他，也是很正常的，试着给自己点时间慢慢遗忘吧，别对自己太苛刻！！　　

当他不爱你的时候，请不要在他的面前伤心难过，更不要流泪，因为眼泪实在是换不回爱情的，倒会让他更小看你了。也千万不要在他的面前拉着他手不放说 “你要爱我就不要放开我的手！”不要在生病的时候告诉他你很难过，学会自己照顾自己吧。他实在没有过多精力给予你照顾和关心，甚至只是同情一下。请骄傲的你，不要放弃本来属于你的骄傲。太多的人，在爱的面前迷失了太多，连重新站起来的勇气都没有，何来骄傲？只是，要永远记得，只有愿意也可以为自己付出真爱的人，才可以真正的去疼惜你，而不是，旁观的同情、怜悯。不要对他说“只要你开心我就开心 ”，这句话在他爱你的时候还显得挺情真意切，一旦分开了，这样的话，即使仍然出自于你的真心，也会让他觉得你给他压力，何必这样逼一个你曾经爱的人呢？幸福是靠自己把握的，不要寄托在任何人的身上。　　

当他不爱你的时候，你的爱便是他的负担。请不要去计算自己曾经的付出，不要希望有什么回报，更不要再有意无意再次流露出你对他的留恋和不舍，因为一切早已经成为过去时。爱着不爱自己的人，本身便是没有回报的，不能计较对与错，这样会快乐些。要记住，你与他之间的爱，是单方面的，你用心，他无心。但是，也不要责怪他，因为也许他曾经真的爱过你，也想做好一些，对你不要那样的冷漠，他也不想要这样的结局。只是，爱一个人，对一个人好，本来就是一种能力。对不起，他也许有这样的能力，只是你们的相爱本身就是一场没有结局的错误，他的能力实在不能够浪费在你的身上，尝试着原谅他吧。当然，也别太悲观的认为他曾经的爱不是真的，他曾经的诺言是假的，人活着本来就不容易，何况还要去选择爱和不爱呢？人与人之间本来就应该多一些理解，何况还是你曾经深爱过的他呢？　　

当他不爱你的时候，不要整天想着你们之间到底怎么了，拿什么拯救我们的爱情，因为你们之间的距离已经疏远到他站在你面前，却不知道你有多爱他。你站在他面前，却已经不敢说你爱他。这样的爱还有被拯救的必要吗？请不要因为他说你们性格不合而失去自信，也许你的性格确实不适合他，但是这并不能证明你不是一个好女孩，总会有一个喜欢你的性格的一个人为你而生，为你而活，为你而奋斗终生。爱一个人，也并非因为她的优秀，而只是一种感觉。你曾经让他有过这样的感觉，于是他曾经爱上你。同样，他不爱你，也并非你不再优秀。优秀与否，真不是爱与不爱的理由，看看还有那么多爱自己的人，淡淡地微笑一下，找回自己的信心吧，我们还有很多的事情需要带着信心去做，爱情不是唯一，不是生命的全部。　　

当他不爱你的时候，静下来的时候还是要想想你有没有欠他什么，尤其是在物质上，能还给他的就还给他吧，这样你的心里也许会好受一些，你可以继续保留的是对于曾经的爱的追忆，只是，不要让他知道。他如果是个大方的男人，是不会收回曾经送给你的礼物的，如果你是个知书达理的女孩，耐心的用心的选一件实用的礼物回赠给他吧，当然，不是作为交换，只是给这段感情划上一个完满的结局，你不再欠他什么。　　

当他不再爱你的时候，你会经常的无意中就走到了你们曾经一起去过的地方，看到的身边的每一个人都似乎是他的身影，每一对情侣都有可能勾起你对过去的眷恋；你会经常想起他为你而唱的歌，这时候，你肯定会有想哭的感觉，请学会坚强好吗？一个人的时候，千万不要用酒精和烟来麻醉自己，因为那不应该是一个好女孩选择遗忘的方式，如果他知道了，不会心疼，反而庆幸没有继续爱你这样一个女孩。你可以听听你们曾经一起唱过的歌，可以尽情的流流泪，但是千万不要傻到把那首歌设置成你的手机铃声，因为他很可能不会再给你电话了，何必在其它无关的人面前暴露自己最真实也最脆弱的一面呢，人总是要学会坚强的。请不要因为你们曾经拥有过的欢乐和美好回忆就想到“永远”，记住：爱是没有永远的。你此刻深爱，就注定遥远的某一天不能再爱他，也不再爱他，他只是比你早一步到达了这一天。当他不爱你的时候，请轻轻拥抱一下回忆里的温暖，轻柔地凝视凋谢的温柔。虽然他劝过你回忆过去是没有意义的，要看到未来，你却可以拥有回忆和不回忆的权利和自由，也许随着时间的推移，你会发现，他也并非是你心目中的那般完美，他也是一个普通的人。那么那个时候，你会顺其自然的选择遗忘一切的回忆，说明你真的长大了，真的成熟了，要相信自己！！　　

当他不再爱你的时候，亲爱的，请你深深呼吸，一生的路上，铺满了爱的花蕾，总有那么一朵属于你，不是安慰你。而是因为很多事情都是早已经注定的，就像佛说前辈子你们回眸了五百次才换得一场短暂的相识，可是缘分还不够，所以能够给你们的只有几天的爱情。也不要自欺欺人的想象着并且希望着下辈子你们能够在一起，因为谁心里都知道这一辈子才是实实在在的，所以我们都要好好生活，好好珍惜自己身边的一切，不要留下任何的遗憾，北宋的范仲淹都知道“不以物喜，不以己悲 ”，何况我们呢？如果你知道曾经爱过的他能够幸福开心，那么一切都足够了，即使他不再爱你又有什么关系呢，为了他，你也要快乐。　　

当他不爱你的时候，不要在别人面前说他的不好，尤其是你们共同的朋友，因为他还有继续爱别人的权利，还需要他的社交圈，表现得豁达一点吧，毕竟他是你曾经爱过的人。当他不爱你的时候，也一定要祝福他，并且一定要真心，不计得失。在能够帮助他的时候，还是像以前一样大方吧，不要吝啬。有了爱，便不该有恨。爱是美好的，恨却是残忍的。何必让生命中最美好的东西化作伤害呢？也一定不要觉得不公平。关于分开和遗忘，你们之间已经不公平了，他放弃和失去的的是一个如此爱他的女孩，而你只是失去了一个不能再爱你的人，却得到了一个重新生活的机会。相比起来，你不是更幸福一些吗！！

imperfect firework~

2008-08-23T07:22:00.004+08:00

7.22am now... im in my kor room... i cant fall asleep... 1 reason is becuz of my cousin hu come my house ytd & share e same bed wit mi... she BLOODY HELL... kick mi e whole nite... until my whole body so pain... GRRR....

firework ytd wit py, dickson, kf & unexpected sum1.... i dunno ab it lor... until i went eat laksa... when i ask kf abt hu is coming.... i was lik stunt... WTH... no1 tell mi de.... im totally LAST min know abt it... intent to go home.... but being stop by dem... lol... i nv say anything.... i juz say i wan go home... dun say i say anything behind sum1's back hor... I NV... e firework is nice, but i dunno y i had a feeling tts nt a perfect one... cuz my mood is obviously nt perfect during tt time... i dunno y... really dunno y.... suddenly dun feel lik talking... juz gonna kip quiet... dun feel lik listening too... maybe juz wan some peace... i dun wan hear any voice ba... no becuz of sum1 hor... its my own problem....

ytd afternoon, i left my house happily.... but onli last till i saw sum1... i noe sum1 dun wan c mi, dun wan talk 2 mi ar.... initially i dun feel tis way... but recently, i feel e same now... i cant even stand it anymore... no matter how much things i sacraficed for sum1... he juz dun appreciate.... i steps so many steps behind inspite of his nonsense... he juz nv or even bother to notice...

i kip quiet, inspite of being stabs badly behind my back... i dun wan say doesnt means i dunno... i juz dun wanna find trouble... tts all... every fault now is being pushed to mi... I TOO STRAIGHTFORWARD UNTIL I DUN EVEN CARE ABT OTHERS FEELING><...

WAHHH.... such a gd sentences.... IM straightfoward cuz i dun wan anyone to misunderstood mi... if i nv say it straight, sum1 wont understand... haiz.... overall, from e start, he juz mistaken wat i done.... HURT HIM??? if i wan, i wont let him off so easily le... NOW, HU E 1 SUFFERING ALL THOSE MENTAL TORMENT....

i was lazy to do anything to get back e friendship le.... cuz i had done enough... its over my limit le... im sad... but i wont show or say.... cuz sum1 wont appreciate... i cant walk any steps behind le... im falling down to e deep diff... i also have my pride... i have my limit...

i juz wan to say to sum1... if wat i said to u previously really hurt u, IM SORRY!!! i say it sincerely from my heart... i dun intent to say all those de... i wont seek for sum1 forgiveness.... cuz i noe u alr had a mindset tt "SAN2 IS A BAD PERSON"... wootx.... no comments... but i juz nt intentionally say tt... tts all... juz dun wan make things worst ba le...

dun have e intent to get back my friendship le... i too tired le... no matter wat i do also wrong... i gt nth to say or do le... wat say is alr said... wat done is alr done... i cant get my words my action back... i nv talk to sum1 in a more gentle way, doesnt mean i very fierce... or dun care of sum1 feeling... dun concern sum1... i juz dun wan sum1 to misunderstood tt i wan get beack to e past so i act "GENTLE"...

ITS OVER LE... say too much also no use... IM SORRY if tis post will make sum1 feel uncomfortable....

ok... nite ppl... now 8am le... & its raining heavily... haha... nice to slp... but kor's room is dark... so scary... its sleeping time... later still nid work @ 6pm... HAIZ... POOR SAN2.... gg broke le... eventho gt work... hehe... nvm... HAPPY CAN LIAO.... IM GETTING BACK MY SMILE... HEHE... BE A HAPPY PERSON...

NITE NITE>>>

finally~

2008-08-19T10:50:00.002+08:00

wootx... finally slp early ytd le... @ 10+pm... haha... i long time nv slp so early le... :P
maybe im happy ytd... cuz e horoscope is right... "sumthing gd wil happen tt will turn ur life"... haha...

im happy... becuz its a day i put my burden down... i dun expect anything to change... haha... lets c how ba... hmm... overall... quite happy ytd...

cum... i went out wit my fren... lol... we gt lots of fun... aiya... every of our outing is happening de la... sure gt lots of things happen... haha... our secret... nt gg tel anyone...

maybe... i shld try to say things so straightforward le... cuz sum ppl might not lik it... AND sumtimes i will accidentally hurt someone wit my words... i dun mean it... but to dem... maybe they tink differently... to dem, wat i can say is "IM SORRY"...

but pls ppl... u all try to tell mi straight to e point wor.... haha... if nt i wont be able to understand... i will anyhow guess de... and i dun lik guessing game... haha... thanks wor... NO OFFENSE... dun tink too much ppl.... juz randomly tink of writing all tis... haha...

SIAN SIAN SIAN~~

2008-08-17T15:05:00.002+08:00

such a sian holiday... lol... beside working.... i juz rot @ home... wootx... dun even go out of my house... lol... dun feel lik gg out ma... juz wanna stay @ home... so i wont get to contact wit tis world... lol...

enough of wat god had plan for mi le... i wont allow same things to happen again... my future is on my hand... i nid to do e right thing @ e right time... haha... feel so relieve @ home now... cuz i make clear of sumting le...

P.S: SORRY FOR BOTHERING U....

private blog....

2008-08-17T14:37:00.002+08:00

i wan make it private cuz i tink tt if i put it open to public... lik very weird... i only invite those tt i trust e to read e blog... tts all... u all can tagg... watever u all want.... wan scold also can... wan comments oso can... i will forever put it as private blog le... wont change le...

its over~~~

2008-08-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

Hmm… yr2 sem1 ends le… lots of memory from this class… both sad & happy… tis class is full of laugher and fun… I lik tis class lots… nvm… material sci onli gt 7 classes… eventho all of us cant be in e same class again… but we will be each others neighbour ar… we still can c each other often… most SADDEN thing is tt we dun haf any class outing or chalet or BBQ… lol… no1 organise ar… :P

Hmm… tis will be e last post I will say abt wat happening in tt class le… hmm… let mi reflect back ba…
Firstly, its my fault cuz I shldnt gt close to “J”… lots of quarrel between both of us… he dun understand mi… he wont listen to my explanation… wat he always say is “ITS OVER”… IS IT REALLY OVER??? Maybe to him it is… to mi is nt… cuz all blames & fault is on mi…

If sumting didn’t happened, we wont be in tis state… I NV LET “N” look @ HIS BLOG… I NV NV NV… IS “PS” hu did it… I was juz very unfortunately tt I happened to view e blog on tt day when “PY” tells mi abt it… I can still remb clearly… onli 4 ppl can view his blog… mi, “PY”, “PS”, “D”… & I remb tt on tt day, “PS” came back from her break, when she came in, she immediately took her lappy & went out… nt more den 5 mins, she came back wit e lappy again… CUM… “PY” was @ tt library on tt day… she saw “N” and another gal… she cant c clearly which gal is tt… but I can say… “N” tell mi is her hu tell him… “N” still ask mi dun find “PS” troub, cuz she say she let him c is becuz she tink its unfair to him…

Hmm, I had to apologize to “N”… cuz I misunderstood him… i dunno “J” will comments it on his blog… but wont u all find it weird??? “PS” say its for “N” good… but y did she do tt if she noe tt it will spoil all of our friendship??? Im nt pushing everything to her… I noe is my fault initially… “J” also has his fault ar… he shldnt post tt ar…

If “PS” nv say will tis happen??? Will e friendship between “N” & “J” become lik tt??? will “N” & “PY” become lik tt??? will “J” & mi become lik tt???

Is “J” still tinks tt I let “N” view his blog??? I cant gt back his trust… forever he tinks tt is mi ba… or everything is my fault… they can onli c others fault… hu ever c e fault in themselves???

Tt is obviously nt e ending I wan… i choose to be fren wit “J”… he agree wit mi… but he nv prove to mi ar… I TRIED MY BEST… IM TIRED LE… he tink tt I wan to be fren but I dun treat him lik a fren… if I dun treat him lik a fren… I dun even bothered to talk to him… only he noes in his heart well tt hu dun wanna be hus fren…. Here I am to try my best to pull our gap closely… there “J” is tinking tt I will hurt him… I dun wan be his fren… even I suan him… why muz I always gt mistaken bu him???? Why why why???
“J” wrote sumting in his blog… sumone let mi c it… e content nvm… cuz I noe he will write it… but I dunno wat is his purposely of posting tt post… cuz he wrote tis “ I know sure got copy and paste one, or retype to tell tt sum1 else. Pls don’t”

Isn’t it funny??? If u wan mi to know how u feel… juz tell mi straight… dun nid to write tt whole chunk of things when u alr noe I will c tt content… TT IS E LAST TIME I GT TO C UR BLOG CONTENT… & TT IS E ONLI POST TT I C AFT U DUN ALLOW MI TO VIEW UR BLOG…

I would really lik to ask… IM I REALLY DESERVE ALL E THINGS TT U DONE TO MI???? dun trust mi, dun believe mi, ignore mi…etc…do I really deserve those????

WILL I CAUSE HIM HARM??? WILL I??? if I wan to harm him or anyone, u tink im nt capable enough ma??? If I wan harm him, I wont do so many things to protect him le… I kip REN REN REN…. Cuz I dun wan mi to explode…. If im in tt state, 我会付出一切，达到我要的东西…

My mama tell mi one thing… “他很可怜了，他的家里给他那么多烦恼，如果你能帮他你就帮他，放他一条生路。。。不要逼他。。。

I listen to wat mama tell mi to do… I nv force him… but… wt did I gt in return… backstab mi by saying bad things behind my back… whatever I do he also bu shuang… give mi those faces… hu will noe his every expression will affect mi a lot…. I kip quiet… I dun wan say anything… doesn’t mean I dunno wat he done… I just dun wan add into his burden ba le… lik tt also wrong ar????

AND if I wan hurt him… I wont try my best tinking of solution to solve his & his fren prob… I wont waste my time reading tt long chatlog tt he send… & I wont even bothered to send him a document of 1100++ words to tell him wat to do…

I dunno he gt read tt ma… maybe gt, but maybe nt… I don’t expect him to go read too… maybe he wont appreciate my effort… but @ least I tried my best to help him le… I wont regret…

I nv regret anything tt I had done… I juz really really hope tt our Friendship will last forever… “J”, “PY”,”N” & mi… haha… I noe its impossible ba.. but tts wat I really hope la… :D

change blogskin...

2008-08-17T14:19:00.002+08:00

i change my blogskin le... i choose it becuz i lik it... lol... i dun haf e intention to show anything... its nt how i feel too... i juz mainly lik e blogskin... cuz its unique... tts y...

my last post is nt trying to say anything too... cuz i find it sumway & i think its somehow gt a true meaning of how those ppl will feel... its meaningful... so i decided to post it... tts all...

i ask ppl look @ my blogskin is becuz is becuz i wan to noe if its nice or not.... tts all... if i really wanna tink back... i will let u noe every single things tt happen... u force mi do tt rite... u tink i so xiaoqi all those...

if its nt becuz of U ALL... i wont become lik tt... hu cause mi to become lik tt... u all force mi to become lik tt... dun blame mi....

why why why

2008-08-15T11:58:00.001+08:00

Why did I love you?
Why did I care?
Why did I let you make me shed so many tears?
You always said you were gonna stay with me from the start.

I always thought you were true until you broke my heart.
Why did you say you loved me if you never really did?
Why did you even have to pretend?

I cared for you more then you could imagine.
I believed you when you always said you cared for me to.
The lies that you had told and the games you have played,
Was something that I could finally just let go?

The pain was gone and there were no more tears.
The laughter and the jokes were no longer there.
Is this what you wanted but never knew how to say it?
If it is then you sure have got it.

I don't want to love you anymore!
I don't have to care!
But I still always will shed my tears!

IMPOSSIBLE...

2008-08-14T19:24:00.003+08:00

I MISS HIM~

I CAN FORGIVE~

BUT I CANT FORGET~

I DUN GET A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN~

HE DUN GIVE MI A CHANCE~

HE MISUNDERSTOOD MI FOR EVERYTHING I DONE~

HE DUN BELIEVE MI~

HE DUN TRUST MI~

HE THINK IS MY FAULT~

HE THINK I WILL HURT HIM~

HE THINK IM E ONE HU CAUSE ALL TO BECOME LIK TT~

HE THINK I TALK BAD ABT HIS FREN~

HE THINK I TALK BAD ABT HIM~

HE THINK IM JUZ PLAYING WIT HIM~

HE THINK IM JUZ TALKING NONSENSE~

BUT I JUZ MISS HIM~

I WILL FIND CHANCE TO EXPLAIN~

NO MATTER HE GIVE MI E CHANCE OR NOT~

HE DUN BELIEVE MI, NVM~

HE DUN TRUST MI ALSO NVM~

ITS PART OF MY FAULT, BUT HE HAD FAULT TOO~

I WILL NV HURT HIM, INDEED I PROTECTING HIM~

I NV BEEN TALKING BAD ABT HIM & HIS FREN~

INDEED, I STILL SIDED HIM NOMATTER WAT~

IM NT PLAYING WIT HIM~ IM SERIOUS~

I NV TALK NONSENSE, I JUZ TALK ABT E FACTS I SAW~

WILL U EVER GIVE MI A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN~

WILL U UNDERSTAND MI~

WILL U TRUST MI AGAIN~

WILL U BELIEVE MI AGAIN~

WILL U TALK TO MI AGAIN~

WILL WE MEET AGAIN~

WILL WE STILL CONTACT~

WILL WE~~~~ WILL WE~~~~

WILL U EVER BE MINE~

{IMPOSSIBLE}

DUN EVER TAKE MI FOR GRNATED...

2008-07-29T16:07:00.002+08:00

DARN PISSED OFF... you dun even noe how to reflect urself... wat u promiss ppl... den e moment u turn back... wah.. things become different... why gt u tis type of ppl de... i dun mind u go do other things... but... did u do ma... u didnt... ok... u doing other things lor... WTF... grrrr... onli wan ppl pity u rite... go bang wall la... u tink u wat... wootx... ACT ACT ACT... pls lor... grrr...

DUN WAN SAY MUCH ABT U... JUZ SPOILT MY MOOD... SEE LE FEEL SO IRRITATING LA....

get over it....

2008-07-22T19:19:00.001+08:00

I dunno y ppl lik to set trap for mi to jump… wat e hell I did wrong… I nv say I wan snatch their fren… wat they jealous abt… they afraid tt I snatch away their fren, scare tt they dun get e care frm their fren anymore, so they will do anything tt will break e friendship between mi & their fren… WTF la… when I break friendship with their fren, they will tend to be happy, pretending nth to happen, even ask u nt to care abt it anymore… but frm their expression, u can c e happiness… SO DRAMA… whenever I try my best to reveal back e friendship, prob will come again… IM E INNOCENT ONE, TT FOR NTH, FAULT WILL ALL PUSH TO MI… they purposely show/tell mi all e things tt will break e friendship of mi & their fren… but e stupid mi cant control myself… I keep falling into e trap…

I feel im so stupid… HOWEVER, I feel sad for their fren… listen to their nonsense summore la… their fren totally dun had their own stand… dunno how to tink of e consequences… ppl trying to make e situation worst… they still commit tt mistake…

I kip quiet does not mean I dunno anything…. I juz wan to had enough evidence to catch wat they are doing… dunno is they careless or purposely… whenever they ask mi sumthing, prob will occur… allowing mi to haf enough evidence to prove everything…

Others will always believe them… cuz they are innocent… ACT & ACT & ACT… as for mi, my temper is very bad… I can only e scapegoat… e burden on mi is become heavier & heavier… I REN REN REN…

They will be thinking tt im juz explain myself… nvm… 人在做，天再看。。。如果我做错了，老天会处罚我。。。我会有我的报应的。。。我愿意承受。。。

My brain cant work fast… I cant fight with dem… I admit im stupid… I cant do anything… I can jux wait & see… REN REN REN REN…. Mama scold mi… ask mi y im I easily believe ppl… trust ppl easily… tell dem everything… and they use all those things to make use of u… korkor scold mi… ask mi y I so stupid… he alr remind mi once & once… bro & bro, is not lik sis & sis… bro & bro gt e 义气， they wont get jealous… they share everything tgt, help each other… as for sis & sis… things is diff… they get jealous easily… they will tend to have 2 faces… 1 face, they will act to be gd wit u… another face, they juz stab u behind… they compare everything wit u… even e things u wear… they wont share frenz tgt… they nid care & concern… when you get close to their fren… hoho… siao liao… better be prepare to be stab…

PS: IM NT GG TO SNATCH UR FREN… UR FREN WIL STILL BE UR FREN… IM NT INTERESTED IN DEM… EVEN IF I LIK DEM… IT WILL ALSO BE E PAST… 我拿得起放得下。。。 NO MATTER WAT HAPPEN BETWEEN U ALL… IS U ALL E BUSNIESS… I SEND MY BLESSING TO U ALL…. HOPE U ALL WILL LAST… NO MATTER IS FRIENDSHIP OR WAT… IM NT INTERESTED IN BOTH OF YOU ALL… I MAKE MY STAND CLEAR HERE… DEEP FROM MY HEART…

IF THEIR FREN, 不分，是非好坏，不分，青红皂白，只是盲目的听被人说的，听被人的指示。。。被人利用了且一点都不知。。。还以为是好人。。。这种没主见的人，没有必要再和他当朋友了。。。应为他不再相信你。。。让他去吧。。。方正后果可想而知。。。不必多说。。。

我做人问心无愧。。。每个人我都真心地把他们当朋友，什么都跟他们说。。。他们要来陷害我。。。我只能忍耐。。。我装作什么都不知。。。因为我觉得你们不是有意的。。。不管我上了有多深，我也不去伤害你。。。不管怎样，我们以前起码还当过朋友。。。我无怨无悔。。。

IF THERE IS ANY PROB OR DOUBTS, PLS ASK MI PERSONALLY… THEY ALL NT MI… THEY DUNNO WAT IM TINKING… ONLI MYSELF NOE… I WILL TELL U E TRUTH… IF I LIE… I WILL GET MY PUNISHMENT FRM GOD…

2008-07-18T22:39:00.002+08:00

什么都是我的错。。。看你的死人头。。。你的脑是在屁股上吗？？？我有说什么吗？？？喜欢喜欢就来怪我。。。你太自作多情了吧。。。我有那么想吗？？？你又问过我的感受吗？？？你没有~！！！你只是在你的立场来看我，以为我会那么想。。。你不了解你自己，干吗还来猜想我在想什么？？？吃饱没事做啊？？？

我才懒得说什么。。。跟你这种人，说也是白说。。。好像我还想对你说或做什么。。。你想太多了吧？？？我听音乐也错，我做什么都错。。。难道要我配合你吗？？？

奇怪。。。　我有说要和你说话吗？？？我有说吗？？？　我的立场很清楚。。。　请你看清楚。。。　我不想多说。。。　我越多说，你越高兴。。。

wat e hell i doing...

2008-07-15T10:54:00.002+08:00

grrrr...wat e hell i doing... i forget to put my shop e key into e letterbox, so my auntie dun haf key to go in... haiz... feel so guilty... auntie ask wat i thinking.... hmm... i dunno wat im thinking.... cuz i did sumting stupid ytd when i workin... i actually go tell sumone abt sumting... i actually pretend to be as his stand of his fren... but actually, those words is wat i wanna say... i can onli make use ofhis fren to tell wat i wan to say... fan zheng he nt so clever de la... he dunno de... (:

aft tt, i become moodless... my mind is blank... nth inside... when i go down e escalator, i actually msg auntie say i put e key in the letterbox le... grrrr... den i forget go inside & throw e key into e letterbox la... haiz.. so sorry... cuase auntie shirley nid to work full shift... haiz...

i dun even notice it la... i went home wit e keys... on my way back, my mum called... ask me go buy food... so i went to buy... on my way back e traffic light... i dunno wat im i tinking @ tt moment... i actually cross e road when e light is red... wootx... i nv go notice e light... i juz cross it lik no1 business... lucky dun haf car la... i juz look @ e floor when i cross e road... haiz...

我还是会爱上他...

2008-07-14T20:05:00.000+08:00

有些人会幸福的说：“让我重新选择的话，我还是会爱上他。”

另一些人却说：“让我重新选择的话，我不会爱上他。”这样说的人，不一定是后悔，也不一定是不够爱这个人。也许，她跟说“我还是会爱上他”的人一样，都是深深爱着对方的。

爱，也是有痛苦的。爱，有时候是一个重担，是一种无奈。你爱上他，欲罢不能。你本来不想开始，但是开始了。你胆战心惊，害怕失去他。你没有安全感，你觉得代价太大了。你可以离开他，然而，你做不到。每次看到他，你就会心软，不忍心说离别。这样下去，会要了你的命。有一天，你会恨他，或者他会恨你。你知道你们终究不能长相厮守的。即使让你重新选择，你不会爱上他。

不爱上他，就没有痛苦，也不需要抉择。

不爱上他，就不会害怕失去他。

不爱上他，就不需要担心自己会无止境地付出。

不爱上他，就不会因为无法跟他长相厮守而难过。

不爱上他，就不会有无奈。

tink tink tink~

2008-07-13T01:03:00.002+08:00

i was thinking... WTH im doing??? y im i care abt ppl so much, when they dun even wanna bother mi??? i put in my heart, wat did i get back??? y im i so stupid??? y im i so easy satisfied??? even by a smile... a simple smile... is it worth it??? especially tt smile is nt for u...

all i wan is to c a smile... i do my best to c tt smile... tt smile is nt for mi... feel lik a clown la... maybe tts e last thing i can do... tt smile really melt my heart...

oh.. i pretend i still remb sum1... pretend still have feeling for sum1 when i saw tt sum1... but actually... im jux using tt as an excuse, as an topic to talk abt...

STUPID SAN... WAKE UP LE LA...

i jux cant fall asleep... e moment i close my eyes, i remb those happier memory in my life... but i cant get it back anymore... I NOE I CANT... bt my heart juz cant accept e facts... falling deeper & deeper... but it can onli happen in my DREAM... when i wake up, i nid to face e facts again... e cruel facts i gt in my 19 yrs of my life...

today so happy... do i really happy??? jason, KF, melvyn, dickson e-hub watch movie... den come whitesands eat dinner, tgt wit nicholas... they wait for mi finish my work... haha... gt ppl acc mi take train today... so happy... but nth to talk abt on train... jux find nonsense to talk...

aiyo... y is my life lik tt??? e fact is tt ppl dun wan talk to u ar... y even bother abt ppl??? im i rite??? lol... tink too much... cuz they dun tell mi how they feel, i can onli guess ard... making mi more & more confused...

I HATE GUESSING GAME... I HATE LIAR... I HATE INNOCENT PPL...

I HATE MYSELF MOST... Y IM I MAKING MYSELF INTO SUCH A PITY STATE???? HU WILL EVEN PITY U??? ya... in ur dream...

原点

2008-07-11T11:49:00.002+08:00

心像飘落的枯叶踩在地上都会碎

我说我爱着你但你却又假装你没听见

我像个隐形人逗你开心逗你笑

但你总是看不见

难道要很多考验还要很多抱歉

才能够证明我会爱你到永远

寻寻觅觅我们还是又回到了原点

心像飘落的枯叶要怎么熬过这冬天

好想抱你直到明天怎么这双手又退却

我像个胆小鬼只敢想像只敢暗恋

就是不敢放手追

难道要很多考验还要很多抱歉

才能够证明我会爱你到永远

寻寻觅觅我们还是又回到了原点

我已经无法承受没有结果的结果

在爱的洪流我只能继续去漂流

有太多太多考验还有太多抱歉

放不下我在想着你你想着谁

寻寻觅觅我们终于又回到了原点

难道要很多考验还要很多抱歉

才能够证明我会爱你到永远

寻寻觅觅我们还是又回到了原点

我没有方向也没有了知觉

我忘了方向也忘了所有感觉

我 oh ho…

15 more days...

2008-07-10T17:06:00.002+08:00

im counting down e days left in tis class... PLS PLS PLS PLS.... let mi out of tis class asap.... PLS... i cant tahan le... but i force myself to ren... ren... ren... i can only ren... SOB... hu e hell will noe my feeling??? im juz hiding from my own feeling... i juz dun feel lik doing anything now... IM TIRED... TIRED TIRED TIRED...

do i really wanna get out of tis class soon???? in my heart, i dun wan... cuz i wont be able to..... ..... but, in my mind... y am i suffering now??? do i deserve all this??? DO I???

i dunno wat to do... im lost now... really really lost... feel lik crying... but... i wont show my real feeling out to anyone... except for my honey...

给自己的信。。。

2008-07-09T15:30:00.002+08:00

珊珊，不管这么样，你都要忍。从小到大，妈妈教过你，“忍一时风平浪静,退一步海阔天空”。她说你要学会独立。不管什么事，都要把它吞进肚子里。我们不要做太多，也不要想太多，让别人去看就好了。就重要的是，不要伤害到别人。就算你别人家利用，好过你去利用别人。别人不相信你没有关系，就重要是你相信你自己。只有你自己知道你自己在想什么。不要听你的朋友的话，因为他们不是你。他们不知道你发生了什么事。他们所听到的只是一面之词，另一面他们只能用想象的。如果你去相信他们的话，你就是大笨蛋了。

你已经19岁了，因该长大了。要知道自己要的是什么。不管别人看不看得到你的用心良苦，只要你自己知道，你已经尽力了，那就好了。放下吧！让他们去吧。虽然自己会辛苦，但是，你的朋友开开心心的，你会觉得那是一种幸福。他们幸福，你也会幸福的。不要他们为了你而辛苦。不管什么事，你都不要露出你伤心难过的表情。不要让他们替你担心。你是个坚强的女孩，不管发生什么事，都要勇敢面对。让微笑带过难过与伤心，你伤心也没有用，因为没有人会了解，没有人会同情你的。你不用他们的同情，你不是乞丐，不用他们的施舍。就算是乞丐，也要有尊严。

你总是嘴硬心软，那张嘴巴，每次都说没关系，你不在乎，但在你心里，你在乎到要死。你表面每次都装得很坚强，但为何每次你都躲在一个没人的角落哭泣？？？这样也好，别人不会担心你，也不会有人看见你软落的一面。

你一定可以做个坚强的人。加油哦！！！有很多人等着看你的好戏，不要让他们看遍你。

2008-07-09T11:26:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, is wat I doing now correct??? Y im I hurting myself once & once… I ACCEPT ALL BLAME… CONTINUE PUSHING ALL E FAULT TO MI BA… I dun give a darn… IM AFFECTING EVERYONE MOOD… no1 cares abt mi… hu will ever stand in my shoes…

I wan to be “sum1” fren and care for him, den y “sum1” complaint so much tt I keep on bothering whether “sum1” care anot…. “sum1” say he tired of these… DEN I NT TIRED MEH??? “sum1” THINK I SUPERWOMAN AH… “sum1” pls think deep in ur heart 1st… in e first place do u really wan to treat mi as ur fren ma??? U dun even prove it lor… u dun understand wat I tink… cuz u nv ask mi wat im thinking… to u, im juz an unreasonable person hu always gt pissed off… HALO… pls la… I can ren for so long, y nt I ren for tt short period of time…

All “sum1” care is “sum1”… & tt second “sum1” is darn funny… y everytime I tOk wit “sum1”, e “sum1” will seem sad… WHY WHY WHY????

WTH u all hiding??? Ur own feeling??? Wat u all really think??? WTF LA… I keep quiet, doesn’t mean I gt nothing to say…I juz dun wan make situation more worst… I ren ren ren ren…

Lik wat “sum1” say… dun even wan be my fren or either my classmate rite???? Pls go ahead wit it… I SEROUSLY DUN GIVE A DARN… as long as I do my part can le… I done wat I can do le… is up to u le…

Lastly, I seriously DUN DESERVE THOSE STUPID THINGS… I jux wanna say wat I feel… im jux stating facts… tts so obvious… im nt angry… so ppl dun worry abt mi… no matter wat… juz let mi be superwoman ba… pushing everything to myself… im nt a weak person…

SWEAR… I WILL NT CRY ANYMORE, WITH REGARDS TO ALL THIS THING… ACTUALLY I STOP IT LONG AGO… cuz I know, if I dun be strong… e situation will become worst… sumtime I feel I very man leh… haha…

DUN GET OFFENSE BY WAT I BLOG…

2008-07-07T21:25:00.001+08:00

于震环(毛孩) - 还是爱你词/曲：杨臣刚

曾经一直都没有想过对爱情的考验需要多久才能够忘记爱的人不知需要多久的时间才能够看的透是否可以让一切从新再改变总是在梦中感觉你在我怀里想忘的人却不能忘我好想对你说I don`t wanna say goodbyeI`ll use the rest of my lifeTo make you happy我是真的爱你I don`t wanna say goodbyeI`ll use the rest of my lifeTo make you happy我要对你说声love you一生要走多远的路程才能够明白逝去的爱已早已变成了尘埃人生总是有苦也有爱总会让人感慨面对未来谁又会真正懂得爱总是在梦中感觉你在我怀里想忘的人却不能忘我好想对你说I don`t wanna say goodbyeI`ll use the rest of my lifeTo make you happy我是真的爱你I don`t wanna say goodbyeI`ll use the rest of my lifeTo make you happy我要对你说声 love youI don`t wanna say goodbyeI`ll use the rest of my lifeTo make you happy我是真的爱你I don`t wanna say goodbyeI`ll use the rest of my lifeTo make you happy我要对你说声 love you我要对你说声I love you

1 week le...

2008-07-07T13:23:00.002+08:00

i hate today... 1 week ago de today... i hate tml de tml... SOB... dun ask mi y... some shld noe y... 是时候，忘记了。。。哈哈。。。不是我的，永远都不是我的。。。我不会强求。。。只会后悔。。。从一开始，整件事都是我的错。。。我错。。。不可能再回到从前了。。。基本上，连朋友都没有的当了。。。我不想这样。。。但我没有办法。。。我的口头上，说我会当你的朋友。。。但我一忍了很久，很久很久。。。我忍无可忍了。。。我觉得，我为什么为你付出那么多，为你让步，你一点所动也没有。。。你只会口头上说你懂。。。你到底懂什么？？？你真得懂吗？？？

口头上的承诺，我也会给。。。你只知道说说罢了。。。朋友？？？什么是朋友？？？对你来说什么是朋友？？？你可以跟我说吗？？？你真的可以把我当朋友吗？？？可是你已经不再相信我了。。。如果朋友之间没有信任，那还是朋友吗？？？

我好想现在就放手。。。回到我们从来不是朋友，更不是同学。。。当两个不认识的人，那事情就不会发生了。。。那我就不会难过，你就不会为难。。。我也不会演的那么辛苦。。。我好辛苦。。。真的好辛苦。。。你知道吗？？？

我觉得你把我做的事情当做理所当然。。。好像我一定要为你而那么做使得。。。你呢？？？不为所动。。。什么都不做。。。连表情都没有。。。你不懂得表达，你不懂自己的心情。。。那都是借口。。。你根本都是在逃避。。。

我不明白，为什么你不敢看着我？？？为什么你变得没有话跟我说了？？？为什么我觉得两个人变得那么陌生？？？难道你就没有说能逗我说的吗？？？

你这样做，我看了很难过。。。我玲可你伤害我，我也不想你保持安静。。。我好辛苦。。。真得很辛苦。。。

2008-07-06T10:37:00.002+08:00

你再也不会相信我了。。。我难过。。。但我不能做任何东西了。。。我每天多在忍着。。。每天多要见到你。。。你要自己不去看你，不和你说话。。。我说的话，你都不相信了。。。我在想，我到底在做什么。。。为什么我还要把你当朋友？？？我再也看不下去。。。为你做得那么多，你都不会理会。。。

听情歌我都会哭我爱哭，偷偷的哭。你清楚却伤我那么离谱。几句话语，我的泪却止不住。你说分手时候，彷佛早就想清楚留，我一个躲在角落，我来不及哭，只能傻住。。。

我要哭掉对你的思念。看着镜子里面没志气的脸，然后越哭越后悔。。。我要哭掉对你的依恋我也知道自己，这样子不对却还越哭越认真的。。。

虽然我们说好了，还是朋友但为什么却没有再联络。。。每天却想你很多遍，还不习惯孤独街道。。。你是否想念我。。。还是像我，只和寂寞作朋友。。。担心你没有好好的过，又怕你已经忘记了我。。。刚刚分手，像告别很久，还想为你做些什么。。。

PS : {我那躲也躲不掉的微妙伤口隐隐作痛}

A Sudden Change

2008-07-06T10:36:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. i gt a lot of feeling abt how I feel recently.. so juz bear wit mi ba..
Hmm… I lik sum1 de temper.. initially, I was juz playing ard wit him.. cuz I mind lots abt e age gap between us.. last sun, we gt a big quarrel, cuz of sum1 tt I lik initially… den he juz ask wat relationship I & him is… I juz ans classmate… he agreed.. I cant imagine myself actually

On mon… very funny…. I was so tired tt I dun wan to talk… he was mi dun emo… but I nv… he was saying, if he can still be my dear…. Cuz he bu xi guan… den I say ok… we become ok aft tt… we still can da qing ma qiao… @ nite… he ask mi if we r in a real relationship.. den I say left to him to decide.. he say can it be real.. den I agreed… I tell tt sum1, den tt sum1 is lik.. ok.. but dun tell mi anything abt u all… I find it really weird le…

On tue, things is still under control.. we dun wan ppl to know… so we pretend… but gt sum1… seems very unhappy and sad with it… which I dunno y… she give mi a very lame excuses… by den… I feel sumting fishy going on le… but I dun wan to say much.. she dun wan tOk to him.. e way he ask her dun wan avoid him make mi feel uncomfortable and weird… I agreed im jealous.. but I cant say anything…

On wed morning…. He still can msg mi, saying he love mi… he miss mi… but…when sum1 tell mi tt he wrote sumting in his blog… I went to c… haha… weird weird de… so I go console him… ask him dun tink so much.. @ nite.. things changed.. I say I will give him time.. I wont force him… but by wat he say… I noe I cant hold on to it le… i ask him wat he wan… Finally, he say it out.. but e reason he give mi is so unacceptable… he said “I tried to force myself to love you but I failed.. I tink we better be classmate and fren…”

I say I dun wan force myself to be his fren… sum1 noe abt it… explaining to mi how he feels.. but… something really weird between dem le…sum1 is siding him.. making mi feel lik im being being used by dem..

E next day… when I go sch… they two look so happy… happy laughing… as if nth happened.. but both of dem dun dare to look @ mi… e more weird I feel… is lik, if u two nv do anything wrong, why don’t wan face mi… y dun dare look @ mi… especially e sum1… sum1 look happy den wat she look before…

They dun even settle things properly… they just avoiding… they dun wan feel their real feeling… I feel so stupid… will sibling come sch tgt… gg her mrt station there wait for her… rather then gg straight to the station and wait…

She sided him… making things lik its seems to be my fault… in e 1st pLace… I say lets be classmate le.. but he wanna start… but it onli last for 3 days.. ppl console him, give him advices, he listen…

I cried for 2days… even today.. I feel so stupid… maybe they dun haf e intention to do it, as they dunno their feeling.. but… IM I DESERVE ALL E HURTS FROM U ALL… hu will nOe my feeling??? My stand???

No matter they r tgt or not… no matter is it now, or in e future, its none of my business… I tried my best to help dem… giving dem hints to prevent unwanted things to happen… I feel stupid to tell dem… e more I tell dem.. e more happy they r… e more they will make use of mi…

Face wat in ur heart… u all de reaction/expression tell everything le… e more u all dun wan show, e more obvious it is... u can tell us we r wrong… u can cheat or lie to us.. but u cant lie to urself.. I done my part to protect u all le… no matter wat u all think of mi, let u all be ba… I dun care le… cant be bothered... I noe I nv do anything wrong…

He dun even explain his stand??? If he tell mi e truth, den I accept… but e reason he give is nO link to wat he did for those days… which means he juz wanna cheat mi or even wanna use mi to cover sumting…

If he settle it properly, maybe things wont become lik tt… Im all hurt… to him, whatever I do now, he dun even give a darn…. To him is juz a misstep.. he dun feel any guilty @ all… he is still lik before, laugh, play... but happy den before… maybe is becuz he got back wat he wants le… sum1 is back to him…

Hu ever ever care of mi… im juz an innocent one, getting hurt for nothing… its really pain inside… but I cant show it out… e more I show it… e more they think im pretending to attract their attention, and e more happy he is..

I juz say wat I feel… e hurts is alr there, I cant be lik before… I juz wish tis sem will end fast… so I dun haf to face it le…

E last things tt I want to say is tt…. maybe e days is short… @ least im happy… im really happy… seeing all e msg he send enlighten my day… but now… those msg will make mi more sad… tears will start flowing down… none stop… I cant stop it… I really cant…:(

2008-07-03T19:06:00.002+08:00

dear, eventhough e time is short, but im really happy... hmm, maybe is i overstress u le ba... the more i love you, the more i hurts... when both r together, it should be full of joy and we should be happy... but... im all hurts... i have no choice but to let it go... if i can choose, i hope we can start again... so that all this wont happen...

我祝你幸福。。。there is something between u & someone... maybe u all cant sense it... but its obvious le... if tt come true, i hope you will be xing fu, & she too... im sad... i cried... but im unable to face u... dun even wan to hear ur voice... i pretend to be happy... but i still cant hide my sadness... i wish i can look @ u... i wish i can talk to u... but... i know its impossible le...

so dear, take good care of urself wor... tts e last thing i can say le...

STORY STORY~

2008-07-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

a gal lost her way in e dark... she cant c her own shadow...she i can onli c a gal, hu look similar as her, kip smiling, pretending very happy... but in her heart... she was very confused and sad... she dunno wat to do... she dunno wat she did now is right or not... she was afraid tt she might regret... she dun wan hurt anyone... she is greedy... she dun wan lose anyone... neither is her dear or her dear dear...

but she is very confirm tt she nid to forget "tt one"... cuz she tink it is more fair for both parties... but... does her dear really cherish her???? she nv been feeling a sense of secure... she pretending she dont mind... but actually, she kip thinking of it... she feel sad... but she know she cant say anything... she dun wan be a burden for anyone... she dun wan affect others... neither she wants others to change because of her... it will make her feel more sad...

she cant do anything... she can onli keep walking down the path... she hope tt one day she will get out of the dark... really hope tt e day will come quick...

SORRY!

2008-06-30T11:24:00.002+08:00

hmmm... im sorry if i make u feel tt way... cuz i dunno u will tink of tt way... u nv tell mi be4... hmm... wat u tink is diff frm wat i tink... if u tink i make use of u den let it be ba... i cant say anything le... e more i gg 2 explain or e more i gg to do anything, the more messy e thing is becoming.... so i decide to remain silence.... :)... hmm... its nt ur fault too... so... dun tink too much.... im fine de... im nt emo-ing... lol... im juz too tired.... one whole nite nv slp... of cuz will tired de ma...

hmm... i wont do anything now le... put all that behind ba... i dun wan c anyone being sad becuz of it... even my dear dear... 我们都回到从前，那个一起玩的时候吧。。。你也不要想太多了。。。 :)

my new toy

2008-06-23T20:53:00.002+08:00

haha... my new toy... 1st is e pink colour w580i... bought it becuz its pink... additional of 20 bucks compared to other colour... its cost me 35o bucks... haha... ok la... for phone without contact le i tink is ok lor... haha...

2nd is my new toy... haha... give by sum1 lor... haha... I WAN GAL DE!!!! it haf BOI & GAL de... i wan GAL de... SOB... i dun care... he promiss to grab e GAL de for mi de... haha...

cute monkey pouch to go wit it...
isnt e colour nice???
oh... bought it with mich & PY... they acc mi... haha...
TOY TOY~~~~
hug it to slp everyday... lol... cuz its too cute... lol...

den zaizai how???? slp in e living room... HEHE...

2008-06-23T20:38:00.002+08:00

jason~ say i nv post pic rite... hehe... ok... i post ur pic & KF de... dun blame mi for e pic wor... nt taken by me... hehe... PY did tt... haha...

ohya... in case u all cant remb... tts taken when we hf our 1st class outing(a failure one, cuz only 5 turn out)... we meet @ orchard mrt... everyone was late... lol... especially KF... GRRR... if i nt wrong we went a japanese shop eat... den e cashier nv return our cash... e manager dun believe us that he call to count the flow in the both cashier... chey... finally believe us we nv get back our change le ba... blahhh... den for dunno wat reason, we walk from orchard all e way to esplanade... lol... sit there chat... cuz gt aircon ma... HEE... ard 6+pm we went off, cuz jason nid to go for injection... hehe...

i leh... meet sky @ city hall... if i nt wrong... he suppose to reach @ 7... in e end he reach @ 7.30... SOB...we went marina food court eat... oh... i only drink my green apple juice... haha... den aft tt he nid go sumwhere den left tt place lor...

jason
jason
jason
KF
hmmm... they pool arhhh... wat i can say is tt nt as good as cl, chris, randall & sky... lol... mich too... aiya... forget mich they all pro kia..... haha...

OMGGGG...

2008-06-20T08:25:00.000+08:00

I HATE CN... OMG... SO INNOCENT... SO CUTE... SO FRIENDLY... SO PRETTY... KNS... DISGUISTING.... NV USE BRAIN TO TALK... DUN HAF BRAIN USE BUTT LA... DUN TEL MI U DUN HAF BUTT....

wahaha....

2008-06-13T22:32:00.001+08:00

IM GG POST SUM PIC... CUZ I BOUGHT A NEW HP... MY PIC ALL SAVE IN MY OLD DE MEMORY CARD... I WILL SEND IT TO MY COM AND POST IT UP... HAHA... WAIT TO C E PIC BA

PIC part 1

2008-06-11T21:41:00.002+08:00

fren hu i pon sch wit and go k wit...

shhh... he dun even noe abt it...

e room no... i too bo liao ma... he go smoke...

den i took some pic lor...

30 april... tt lazy pretty hor...

my promoter fren... she cute la...

haha...

30 may

2008-06-06T00:26:00.000+08:00

30 May
Hmm… nt in gd mood… haha… den ask my fren go slack with mi aft sch… he acc mi go home 1st cuz wanna put my lappy … haha… saw my mum when I was abt to walk up e stairs… lol… she ask mi go buy sumting… hehe..

Den we go Bishan… cuz I long time nv go there le… summore, there gt straight bus for him to go home… aiya… make a wrong decision… cuz nth to see there de… so sian lor e place… hehe… walking e whole shopping mall, which takes us abt 20 mins… haha… den we gt nth do liao… den we decide go sumplace sit sit lor… haha…

Den go found a Void deck, which e blk is e same blk as where he live… lol… hehe… guess wat I do… I made him angry… haha… nt purposely de la… I juz wonder y he nv angry before leh… so try to make him angry… haha… he “ren “ until… hehe… so “xiao qi”… opps… hehe…

But when he angry… words coming out from him were hurtful… Grrr…. Where gt ppl lik tt say de… SOB SOB…

PS: u really understands wat I say ma??? Im tired of it liao…

past 2 weeks

2008-06-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

Past 2 weeks… I can’t remember the exact date… hehe…

Hmmm… I pon my bio lesson… cuz sum1 say he nt in gd mood… I very tired tt time, cuz been working 2 days full shift… so we decide to pon lor… we went AMK de k-box plaza sing… haha… aft tt we went S11 eat lunch den take bus 88 to pasir ris, haiz… cuz I haf to work…

Hehe… actually… I gt took some pic… haha… very very lame de pic… cuz I gt nth to do there… but I deleted some le… so left only 3 pic… haha… can u imagine I too bo liao… I took pic of e door & e chair… n my fren… hehe… shhhh… he dunno abt it… hehe…

I remb I was so sleepy lor… I do my RJ on e bus den I fall asleep… nt really sleeping la… cuz cant slp too… juz kip my eyes close… I hate to take bus… is so uncomfortable…

Haha… i tink tt is e most interesting thing le… hehe… thinking of wanna upload my lame pic… haha…

I HATE YOU ALL... FUCK OFF>>>

2008-05-30T12:37:00.002+08:00

i really hate liar... fuck off la... everytime break their promiss... given those lame excuses... if nt den nv reply.... fucker lor... wat for i go reply u all... nxt time gt things dun come find mi... EVEN ONE OF UR LEG IS GG INTO THE COFFIN... THEN... REST IN PEACE BA...

I WILL NT CARE ABT U LE... DUN EVEN ASK MI ANYTHING... I SWEAR I WILL NT ANS U ANYMORE... NT E SAME TIME LE...

WAT A NICE SHIT U ALL GIVE MI.... AT LEAST I WAN AN ANS... ALSO CANT MA... I DUN LIK U ALL...

lik wat i was chatting wit sky e other time.... we wont be able to make true fren in sch... all r fake... ACT & ACT IS E ONLI THING THEY NOE... INNOCENT = MORE SLY THEY R>>>

SEEING E REAL COLOUR OF U ALL... BUT I DUN WAN SAY ANYTHING... I TREAT U ALL AS FREN... SO MOTHER FUCKER.... GO AWAY FROM MI... I DUN WAN THOSE FAKE THINGS FRM U ALL... 难道你们就不能真心诚意的吗。。。还真假。。。

2008-04-09T13:11:00.004+08:00

IM BACK!!! today is my birthday... hehe...

hmmm... DUN GIVE MI PRESENT... I WILL NT TAKE IT...

礼物对我来说，什么意义都没有。。。你们送我礼物都是因为我又送你们礼物或是我有替你们庆祝。。。我好笨啊！！！你们的生日管我屁事！！！对不起！！！你们的礼物我一点都不稀罕。。。不要因为我送你们礼物你们一定要送回给我。。。送来送去有什么意义？？？我如果要什么东西我自己会去买，我又不是承担不起。。。不用你们破费了。。。不用我说，摸摸自己的良心，这样做的意义何在？？？朋友一个就够了。。。由你们没你们，我的生活还是一样。。

OK LA... i have to go le... BYE!!! i have to meet sum1 later... i nid go prepare le... hehe...

想听的话

2008-03-23T12:51:00.000+08:00

慢慢地撤出忧伤
你在转角处等他
能用声高放地唱
我可以整天对你不牵挂

这场爱不会开花
我情书却割舍不下
明知你爱的是他
却还是学不会摆脱这挣扎

想听的话你说给了他
我的快乐从此蒸发
如果同时爱的代价哪相信
想撒个什么谎

想听的话得不到回答
我却还在独自装傻
回答时我的脸颊好让你看不见
我眼角的变化

你要的不是我

2008-03-23T12:46:00.000+08:00

怎么能忘时间多长
你快乐吗想代替你回答
你知道吗走了好远
我才能去面对
这份牵挂沉默伤悲
你要的不是我
心碎的失去轮廓
曾经给你的感动
只是情绪的波动
能给的不是我
放任你沉溺自由
掩饰不了我的笨拙
就连说话都会颤抖
我被遗忘在
你遗忘的角落
我被遗忘在你遗忘的角落

2008-03-17T13:08:00.001+08:00

tt is how i feel 2 days ago... haha...
u all dun understand nvm...
as long as i understand can le...
haha...

天空没有下雨

2008-03-16T00:41:00.003+08:00

怎麽我們的記憶有些慘白
連你的臉都覺得不存
在陌生在我們身邊反復徘徊
我明白你的心已不存在
抱在一起
幸福在這裡
閉上眼睛
只剩我自己

天空沒有下雨
我想還來得及
拼湊這些記憶
安慰你的傷心
我在試着努力
將完成的記憶送到你心底

天空沒有下雨
我想還來得及
我不想再失去
擁有你的權利
我一直在努力
卻在最後一刻轉身只剩下我自己

強忍着我的眼淚過一整夜
在這裡等了好一些時間
始終都這樣期待你的出現
就讓我感覺這最後一遍

抱在一起
幸福在這裡
閉上眼睛
只剩我自己

天空沒有下雨
我想還來得及
拼湊這些記憶
安慰你的傷心
我在試着努力
將完成的記憶送到你心底

天空沒有下雨
我想還來得及
我不想再失去
擁有你的權利
我一直在努力
卻在最後一刻轉身只剩下我自己

抱在一起
幸福在這裡
閉上眼睛
只剩我自己

天空沒有下雨
我想還來得及
拼湊這些記憶
安慰你的傷心
我在試着努力
將完成的記憶送到你心底 WOO~~

天空沒有下雨
我想還來得及
我不想再失去
擁有你的權利
我一直在努力
卻在最後一刻轉身只剩下我自己

2008-03-14T17:02:00.001+08:00

TO MR C: even though semester 2 ended quite long le… but I still cant forget about it… till now… im still very puzzled… I dunno why, out of a sudden, you are sternly cold and unmoved toward mi… I really wish to noe e reason… it’s really very unfair 2 mi… even if I did sumting wrong or whatever… at least u tell mi wat did I do wrong… at least I noe wat happen… I will change arhh… OR… by den u decide whether u still wanna fren mi ma is oso nt too late ma… u make my life in sch so miserable… see u in sch almost every day… wanna talk to u but I noe u wil nt reply mi… or worst till… I haf 2 c ur black face… I try my best 2 talk 2 u… but e way u reply mi lik so boh song… when we doing ppt… I dunno how 2 do… ask u… u onli say u will do it… den later u let mi c… when u lask of time… u will onli ask others 2 help u find research… mi leh… sit there lik idiot… damn sad in my heart… tears wanna roll down le… but wat can I do… I onli can sit there act lik nth happen…

Everytime… I blame myself… I tink tt there is surely sumthing tt I did wrong… therefore, u will become lik tt… do u noe tt tis make mi cry almost every nite????

朋友一场，但到头来却变成了陌生人，陌生到令人害怕。。。

GET LOST~~~

2008-03-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

I DUN WAN SEE U AGAIN~~~

PLS DUN COME NEAR MI~~~

I DUN WAN U 2 MESS UP MY EMOTION, MY FEELING~~~

I DUN WAN U 2 PLAY WIT MY FEELING~~~

IM NT UR TOY~~~

IF U WAN ENTERTAINMENT GO FIND OTHERS BA~~~

I DUN WAN 2 JUMP INTO UR TRAP~~~

I DUN WAN 2 BECOME A FOOL, A IDIOT~~~

I DUNNNNN WANNNNN~~~~~~~~

PAIN~~~~~

2008-03-07T10:54:00.002+08:00

PAIN~~~~

PAIN-ING EVERYWAY~~~~

MY KNEE IS PAIN~~~~

MY HEAD IS PAIN~~~~

E MOST SERIOUS IS THAT~~~~

MY HEART IS PAIN~~~~

HU CAN BRING DEM BACK????

2008-03-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

HAIZZ... wat im i doing????? WTH is wrong wit mi seh... tt time, jer asked mi: " WAT U DOING? WAT U THINKING?"

i really dunno wat IM thinking... wat IM doing... IM totally lost... becoming a DIFFERENT mi... becoming MORE coward, silly, stubborn, useless... SOMETIME... wat i saying might nt be wat i really thinking in my heart...

my LIFE... WONDERFUL SEH... frm kindergarder... BAD THINGS since 2 stick on 2 mi... AS MORE & MORE INCIDENT OCCUR, E MORE IM HEARTBREAK...

HAIZZ... by rite... i shld become more mature... but... IM becoming lik idiot... anything tt happen 2 mi recently... i will try 2 avoid e prob... WTH... im nt solving e prob... COWARD...

I DUNNO HOW 2 CHERISH THINGS TT BELONG 2 MI... INCLUDING FRIENDSHIP... WHEN I LOST DEM, I STARTED 2 REGRET... I STARTED 2 CHERISH IT... BUT ITS TOO LATE... I NOE ITS IMPOSSIBLE 2 BRING DEM BACK 2 MY SIDE AGAIN...

CONFUSED...

2008-02-27T18:15:00.002+08:00

sitting on swing few days ago, wit my fren... SWING AHH SWING... sumting suddenly float in my mind... haiz... feeling so sian... so sad... so emo... den dunno y i feel lik writing sum1 name on e sand...

when i wrote e 1st letter... i stopped there & start starring on it... my fren saw it... asking mi y i dun continue 2 write... when i hear his voice... i stopped all my EMO-ING... erasing e letter tt i wrote... feeling lik.... .....

THINGS TT I DUN WAN NOE…

2008-02-22T14:27:00.000+08:00

Aft ytd… I get 2 noe a lot of things… THX 2 ZaiYong & Jer… haha… we haf our dinner @ AMK… den we go play pool… den we go zone-x… den chat @ e playground tt we normally go… haha… long time nv meet ZaiYong le… haha… he seems 2 turn into a different person… in e appearance… haha… maybe is becuz of e braces… haha… haf a lot of fun… a lot of laughter… haha…

P.S : 你的游戏我玩不起。。。我只能跟你说对不起。。。不是我不知道。。。是我不想知道。。。我只知道，我管怎样，到头来，受到伤害的人只会是我。。。

WAHAHA....

2008-02-18T14:46:00.002+08:00

HEE... juz now my mum say she maybe will genting... haha... i say i wanna go... hehe... BUT... she dun allow... she say "u go wit ur fren la... dun always go wit e aunties... aunties wont play wit u de... u go wit ur fren so tt can haf more fun..."

haha... so gd seh... I WANNA GO... lol... c how ba... haha...

2008-02-17T21:29:00.002+08:00

sadded...wanna go watch chingay de... but no1 acc mi go... HAIZZZ....those i wanna dem acc mi go de all nt free... so went out wit m cousin.... she treat mi eat sakae sushi... HEE... went out @ 2pm... came home @ 5.30pm.... wootx... so early... lol... den stay @ home... tv gt gt live boardcast of e chingay... but nt interested le... cuz dun lik watch tv... cum... i juz wanna go there experience tt event... wat 4 stay @ home watch frm e tv...

haiz... i wan go GENTING... haha... suddenly feel lik gg... cuz... i wan go there play... haha... cum can relax... haha... i tell my mama abt it... haha... mama say "go wit ur fren lor..." lol... my cousin ask mi go wit my fren too... so tt can haf more funn... BUT... e prob is.... HU WILL GO WIT MI... LOL...

2008-02-16T10:08:00.002+08:00

haha... my valentine's day???? hmmm...
my fren say wanna come find mi @ my place here... but nv... cuz leh... he wake up late... den ask mi go his place there... it is more convinence for him la... cuz he nid go work aft tt ma... lol... sadded... e bus journey is damn long... den... im late... lol... but he later den mi... :(
den we go eat lor... den walk ard... chat chat... den i go home... he go work... haha...
so funny... nt intend 2 go initially... but... my mum ask mi go... cuz... she nid 2 prepare 4 paipai de things tt day... ask mi nt 2 disturb dem... :(

so boring cum emo gg out during valentine's day... cuz nt fun de... wat 4 go out c all those couples... lol... summore no laughter... cuz onli we 2 go... go romantic meh... lol... so boring... i lik whole grp of ppl go... haha... more fun... more ppl entertain mi... haha... gdgd...

2008-02-10T19:37:00.000+08:00

IF U SEE MY BLOG... & U FEEL UNHAPPY OR WATEVER SHIT... PLS LOR... I DUN NEED UR COMMENT... KIP ALL THOSE COMMENT 2 URSELF HOR... FUCKER...

2 MONTHS LATER....

2008-02-09T19:58:00.000+08:00

wahaha... 2 months later will be my birthday... by den i will be 19 le... haha...

hmmm... i tink tis time will be as usual, no celebration of my birthday... haha... cuz both my family & frenz will be busy... sad... everytime lik tat... summore hor... my birthday will be on e 3rd day of e start of year 2 sem 1... haizz...

such a boring birthday it will be ba... sian...

WILL TIS YR DE BIRTHDAY BE DIFFERENT FROM E PAST????
haha... dunno leh... lets wait & see ba... haha...

RUN TO YOU~~~~

2008-02-09T14:12:00.000+08:00

I know that when you look at me
Theres so much that you just dont see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart youd find
A girl whos scared sometimes
Who isnt always strong
Cant you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you
I wanna run to you
Wont you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
Theres nobody there, no one cares for me
Whats the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?

I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...

2008-02-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

U SUX!!!!

....

I HATE U!!!!

....

GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!!

....

SEEING U MAKE MI ARHHH!!!!

....

DUN FORCE MI DO THINGS TT I DUNWAN DO!!!!

back back back...

2008-02-08T13:53:00.000+08:00

wahaha... so long nv blog le... haha...

1/2/08
went send Amy... she gg back 2 china... so a grp of us decided 2 go send her... she took 6am de plane... so we ton there... i left my house @ ard 11pm... haha... took bus 2 meet my fren... den my fren ask mi 2 take bus 2 his place... haha... guess wat... i took e wrong bus... den i haf 2 take cab... SOBS... can u all imagine... i alight @ a bus stop... with NO PPL there... NO vehicles... summore ard 12+pm...

den went my fren place till 3am... haha... i took cab 2 white sand... Amy meet mi there & drive mi 2 e airport... haha... i reached home ard 7am e next morning... haha...

5/2/08
my fren say he wanna buy clothes so go wit him lor... GUESS WAT... he say meet @ somerset de... den he late... late nvm lor... he alight @ e Ochard mrt... WT... he ask mi if i wan go there or he come find mi... den i ask him 2 come find mi... DEN HOR... we walk frm somerset mrt 2 wisma... WTH... HAIZ.... nv tell mi earlier seh... if nt i take train over den dun nid walk so far...

@ ard 3pm+... we went marina square... i meeting jer there... haha... den we went eat @ KFC... walk walk abit... den my fren went off 2 meet his fren... i & jer went amk... we sit @ e coffee bean hAf some drink... den we went buy our jeans.. haha...

my fren was damn funny... lol... he came back find us again.. haha.. wAt hAppen aft tat i will nt mention... haha... its a secret between e 3 of us... haha...

6/2/08
went out wit jer again 2 buy our things... haha... aft tat go home eat dinner wit family... haha... my house as usual... gt many ppl... haha... but nth 2 do... sian...

7/2/08
went my aunt house bai nian... hehe... tats all i did... HEHE...

8/2/08
which is 2day... nth do... stay @ home... stone @ home... haha... all nt free... sian... i wanna go watch movie... haha... u all very surprise tat i wanna go watch movie rite.... HEHE... my 1st time wanna go watch movie seh... i hate gg 2 e cinema... haha... cuz its very dark... haha... i hate dark place... if im in a dark place... my whole body will be very cold... haha...

P.S: 我知道我有些时候的举动会让人误会。。。但我不是有意的。。。如果你们有什么疑问，请问我吧。。。我会说清楚的。。。如果你们有什么事，请直接跟我说，不要拖拖拉拉的。。。我不懂你们要的是什么。。。这样对我们都好啊。。。你们就会明白你们的疑问，我就会懂你们在想什么，我也不用一直去想了。。。我想到我的脑都大了。。。哈哈。。。

TML IS E LAST DAY OF SEM 2

2008-01-31T22:36:00.000+08:00

TML IS E LAST DAY OF SEM 2... which means tat im gg 2 separate frm my classmate again... tis sem is ready a hard time 4 mi... lot of things happened... especially during e last month of sem 2...

during e start of e last month of sem 2... e incident tat happen really hurt deep inside my heart... hate tis feeling... trying my best 2 retrieve e frenzship... but tat person dun seem 2 appreciate it... kip on looking @ mi... i kip looking @ tat person... wanna find out wat had happened... but tis strategy seem 2 fail... e silly & stubborn mi... slowly... i started 2 hate tis person... y tat person wanna do tis 2 mi... therefore... i started 2 stare @ tat person...

THEN... another incident happened again... which caused mi 2 c e true colour of sum1... tis sum1 is really very crafty... i believe tis person so much... becuz of tis incident... i learnt my lesson... frenz who know mi 4 very long de tell mi tis: " san, its time 4 u 2 grow up le... learn how 2 judge ppl... tis world is cruel... there are all sorts of ppl... dun believe in ppl juz becuz they treat u gd... u muz nt be so soft-hearted... u treat other so gd... u trust dem so much... wat u get back is all juz bull shit..."

HAIZ... crying almost everyday aft both incident... it really hurt mi alot... in sch... making myself 2 put on a smiley face... pretend & pretend.... which i tink is stupid... but i still do it...

TIS CRUEL WORLD FORCE MI 2 GROW UP WITHIN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME...

I MAKE A CRUEL DECISION... SOME OF DEM NOE WAT I MEAN BA... HAHA...

haha...

RELIEVE...

2008-01-30T20:03:00.000+08:00

IM FORCE TO GROW UP WITHIN A DAY… IM FORCE TO FACE E CRUELNESS OF E WORLD…
EVERYTHING AROUND MI HAS CHANGED… PEOPLE ARD MI HAS CHANGED… CHANGING INTO A DIFFERENT PERSON TAT I DO NOT KNOW… EVERY WORDS/ SENTENCE/ACTION THEY SAY/DO HAVE AN HINDER MEANING IN IT...

I KEEP QUIET DOES NOT MEAN IM JUST TAT STUPID ENOUGH TAT I DUN UNDERSTAND WAT U ALL HAD SAID OR I MERELY AFRAID OF U ALL… I KEEP QUIET IS BECAUSE I TREAT ALL OF U AS MY FRIENDS… I DUN WAN 2 HAVE ANY CONFLICTS/MISUNDERSTANDING WITH U ALL TAT CAUSES UNHAPPINESS…

IF U ALL FEELS HAPPY WITHOUT MI, DEN I WILL LEAVE… AS LONG AS U ALL HAPPY CAN LE…

TIS SEMESTER IS GG 2 END IN 2 DAYS TIME… IM HAPPY TAT I GET TO KNOW ALL E PPL IN W25D… FIFI, MC, SEOK ENG, KEITH, YINGJING, AMY, JAMES, IZWAN, HAZIQ, DILLON, SUHANA, SAMM, HARVEER…ETC…

EVEN THOUGH E MEMORIES IS SHORT… BUT ALL E MEMORIES TAT U ALL LEFT IN MI WILL ALWAYS BE THOSE HAPPIER ONE…

GOOD LUCK & ALL E BEST 2 U ALL….

PS: DO NT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER… REMB…

i really dunno

2008-01-28T15:02:00.000+08:00

IM I MAKING E RITE DECISION??? IM NT GG 2 CARE ANYTHING ARD MI... NT GG 2 SETTLE E THINGS THAT I WANNA SETTLE BE4 TIS SEM ENDS... I JUZ WANNA PASS TIS SEM PEACEFULLY...

IM NT CONVINCE AS NO REASON IS GIVEN 2 MI... EVERY1 TELL MI TAT I DID NTH WRONG... AS MI NT 2 THINK ABT IT.... DID I REALLY DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG??? I DUNNO... I REALLY DUNNO...

HAIZ... I WORKING VERY HARD EVERYDAY... ACTING AS NORMAL... STOP ALL THOSE STARRING & ALL SORTS OF NONSENSE... HAHA... I DEN DUN WAN BE SO CHILDISH LEH... HEE...

U ALL WISH MI GOOD LUCK BA... PRAY 4 MI TAT I CAN GET MY REASON WITHOUT ANY REGRET... PRAY 4 MI TAT I PULL THRU THIS PERIOD OF TIME... HAHA...

UPDATED....

2008-01-27T15:45:00.000+08:00

HMMM... MY LIFE IS SIMPLY TOO TIRED FOR MI LE... HAIZ... IM JUZ TOO TIRED... I WANNA REST LE... REALLY REALLY...

I DECIDED 2 LISTEN 2 MY MUM... IM REGRETTING 4 NT LISTENING 2 HER ADVICE EARLIER ON... WHICH CAUSE MI INTO TIS STAGE... ITS MY RETRIBUTION...

I WIL NV TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE... LEARNING 2 BE SELF-FISH... LEARNING NT 2 BE SO SOFT HEARTED... TIS IS WAT MY FRENZ TOK MI... THEY DUN WAN MI 2 GET HURT ANYMORE...

OH... AND ALSO... LEARNING NT 2 LEAK MY FEELING EASILY... IF NT OTHERS WILL MAKE USE OF MI... THX 2 SUM1 HU TELL MI TIS...

MY FRENZ SAY IM SILLY... STUBBORN... INDEED I AM... HAIZZ... WAT 2 DO... CANT CHANGE OVER A NITE DE MA...

THINKING BACK... ITS TRUE TAT ITS NO POINT THINKING OF THINGS THAT CANT BE RETRIEVE...

I JUZ WAN 2 BE ALONE... DUN WORRY ABT MI... NTH WILL HAPPEN 2 MI DE...

BAD DAY...

2008-01-22T20:40:00.000+08:00

hmmm... "Presentation is over... Next tIme gt qn ask during presentation..."
tat is sumting sum1 commented... its stays deep in my heart... i noe its my fault tat i nv ask during UR presentation time... as wat u say... I DO EVERYTHING ALSO SLOW... so tis time as USUALLY, IM JUZ TOO SLOW 2 REACT...

thanks for ur comment... u wanna think tat i did it on purpose... den i also nth 2 say... watever ur thinking is ur business... e more unhappy i am... it seem tat e more happy u r... so wat 4 i make myself suffer becuz of "U"...

becuz of ur "BIG" words... now whole class noe tat we r nt in a gd term... so i juz dun nid 2 pretend or stays quiet le... i asked u watever i wanna ask le... u juz seem dun bother 2 reply... so e fault dun lies on me...

SO... pls dun always give mi tat type of face... i more innocent lor... as if i deserve all those "TREATMENT" by u... i dun even noe e reason behind it... or maybe lik wat others say... i think too much... i also hope tat i think too much... but things does not happen as wat it is... there is always a reason behind watever tat had happen...

telling u all tis is juz a waste of my effort... cuz u dun even bother... SO... i wont be saying abt "U" inside my blog... cuz "I DUN EVEN NOE U"....

2008-01-21T11:45:00.000+08:00

HAHA... I DECIDED LE... I RATHER LET IT GO BA... EVEN THOUGH I MIGHT REGRET... I WANNA FIND OUT E REASON... SINCE HE DUN WAN SAY... I ALSO DUN WAN FORCE LE...

I NOE I WILL REGRET... BUT WAT I CAN SAY IS TAT " SINCE SUM1 DUN WAN CHERISH TIS FRIENDSHIP... WAT FOR I SO ONE-SIDED... KIP HOLDING ON WIT IT... SUAN LE BA... "

HAHA... IT MIGHT SOUND CHILDISH... BUT TATS IS WAT I WANNA SAY... I HAD DONE MY PART... SO I DUN TINK I DID SUMTHING WRONG... EVEN IF I DID... I ALREADY APOLOGISE LE... WAT HE STILL WAN MI DO... I HAVE ENOUGH OF ALL THOSE...

I DUN WAN 2 HURT MYSELF MORE... HAIZZ... ONLI JERINA WILL NOE HOW I FEEL... HAIZ... I SAY SO MUCH ALSO NO USE... CANT CHANGE E SITUATION MA... HAHA....

3....

2008-01-14T14:53:00.000+08:00

haha... took tis frm our sch de lecture theatre long ago.... we went there for some talk.... haha... its very hard to take out... so tis 2 is obviously nt i took out de... if i remember correctly, its MC hu took it out for mi... haha... 2 frm different theatre... haha... i haven thx him for it yet... haha... THX seh... i puting tis 2 "stickers" on my lappy... recently, i feel lik taking it out... BUT... now dun feel lik taking it out le... i will kip it as memories... 2 more weeks till holidays... den change of class... dun feel lik changing class... I DUN WAN CHANGE CLASS.... haha...

CAN U TELL MI Y???

2008-01-11T21:24:00.001+08:00

HU CAN TELL MI WAT HAPPENED????
I dunno y e situation become like tat… I seem lik becoming worst… I really dunno y… REALLY… REALLY… y all this thingy always falls on me??? WHY???

From sem 1 till now… I cherish friendship a lot… I grab tied on it… once it seem lik gg to loosen, I will try all methods to fix it back… BUT… im always e one hu do tis STUPID thingy when no1 REALLY appreciate it….

HU AM I TO DEM???? I tink I juz lik a piece of tissue paper… when they need it, they will use it… when they don’t need it, they will juz throw it to a side… cant even bother abt it… I HATE TIS FEELING!!!!

IM A VERY STRAIGHT FORWARD PERSON!!! MAYBE SUMTIMES I SAID SUMTING TAT REALLY HURT DEM ALL… IM REALLY SORRY FOR TAT… BUT… SUMTIME… I REALLY DUNNO WAT IS WRONG… 2DAY U TALK 2 MI HAPPILY… TML… THEY DUN EVEN CARE ABT MI… I REALLY DUNNO WAT’S WRONG!!!!

CAN SUM1 TELL MI WAT’S WRONG????

If it’s my fault feel free 2 say… I welcome all comments… BUT… IF U R JUZ PLAYING MY FEELING… DEN I GT NTH 2 SAY… everytime when I tink of it… tears will start 2 roll down my eyes…

IF IT’S REALLY TAT HARD 2 MAINTAIN OUR FRIENDSHIP… IF U TINK TIS FRIENDSHIP DOESN’T WORTH U HANDLING IT… DEN…. DEN….

我只想跟以前一样，真的有那么难吗？？？我真的不明白。。。你不说，只是一直在用眼神说话。。。要我怎样明白。。。请不要那么做了。。。我不想每天以泪洗面。。。不管心中有多少话要说，我都无法用说得来表达。。。我可以做的只能默默地在一边看着你。。。